Well, I have my brand new lunch box filled with foods I'm allowed and a water filter. I'm pretty much grazing all day. And in the bathroom frequently. The problem with this is I'm not really focused on my work day at all. But at least I'm not hungry like I was at home this weekend.
What really surprises me is both the emotional pull for missing the foods that I love so much (bread and pastries for the most part) and just how much it means to me that I stick to this. Because I think about "Oh, just fuckitall, I'm miserable without and I'm miserable with, I want a fucking donut" and I get upset with myself.
I really want to be a more disciplined person than that. Like that part of my personal image is seriously VERY important to me right now. More than even sabotaging myself. And that surprises me.
I also am reminded that I weighed myself this morning, 2 days after my first weigh-in, and I've dropped 3.5 pounds. I know that's not a stable weightloss. But that's a hell of a lot in only 2 days of eating like this.
But still, all my joints are hurting at the moment. I'm exhausted. I'm feeling exceptionally emotionally needy. And I'm trying to convince myself that this is just part of the detox, that it will get better from today and I am rebuilding my relationship with food into something far more deliberate and healthier for myself.
And seriously. When I feel like 3 (or 4) months is forever and a day away, I need to be present with the fact that I was just saying to myself today "holy crap, how did it get to be March already?"
3 days down. 88ish to go. Gimme another grape.
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