It was a horrid day at work. And since I cannot have booze on the job, I jumped ship. I haven't tested Oats at all during the three days we had scheduled. Instead, today, I went and got myself a Cold Stone Creamery Cheesecake Ice Cream cup. And it was sinful and delicious and I don't care. The worst that it seems the ice cream has given me is gas. If that's the worst of it, then hell, as long as I keep the dairy in moderation, I'm pleased. I'll try oats and millet some other time. I'll keep to the schedule in the household, but I'm otherwise declaring myself done with the elimination diet.
Results: Need Preleif if I'm going to eat tomatoes (found that out with a tagine this weekend). Need to avoid the HFCS and the MSG. Caffeine in moderation and only early in the day. No artificial sweetners at all. My body definitely doesn't want any of those.
Probably should cut back on the wheat and not be so attached to the dairy. And more moderation in the alcohol than I had been as it makes me tired and sloth like. But otherwise, I can eat most things so long as they aren't prepackaged and pay attention.
The payment for such decadence though is I had to bike today. I wasn't really feeling it when I got home. But later, after I had eaten dinner and had a light cocktail (I did say it was a horrid day at work, right?) earlier and sobered up, I went out.
It was a route I've done once before, along Minnehaha Creek, and this time I went all the way up the hill at the end to Lyndale. That is a freakin' awesome hill. Very satisfying to turn around and ride at least half a mile on that speed without having to pedal. 3.6 miles today. All on my own. And I biked up both hills.
I'm thinking that if I get up early enough on Saturday, I should push myself and try to bike around Lake Nokomis. Even if I have to wait for 10 minutes to have my heart rate go down again, I want to go 5.5 miles. My legs were only a little wobbly at the end of this. :-D
It's either that or the Farmer's Market in St Paul. But that might not even be necessary as our CSA starts up this week. Woo!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Resurrection!
Today marks the first time I've been on my bike in almost 3.5 weeks. I've been such a punk. In part I feel like I've been a total slacker. And no wonder I've gained a couple pounds back. But I'm ready to be riding again and hopefully the weather will cooperate more.
It's a gorgeous 70 out today after all.
In any case, I made my first foray to the grocery store a mile away by bike, and hauling groceries back on my back. WooHA that was exhilarating and fun. :) I feel like an honest to gods adult urban BIKER now, running an errand on my bike. Probably added a good extra 3 pounds to my back.
The route is interesting. it's a slight incline most of the way there except for the big downhill by my house and the big downhill by the store. It means I was working during most of it, but got a good start and a satisfying finish on the way there. The way back, it meant that I had two HUGE hills to come up with the extra weight on my back. However, I got to rest for a good period in there as I coasted most of the way home. Even made it up the home hill too and when I hit our driveway I went "What? Already?" because I had thought the hill was bigger. :-D
I definitely feel it though that I haven't been in almost a month of crappy weather or crappy attitude. Must get out again tomorrow. Maybe I an get my light installed and I'll bike to my friends' place for class tomorrow. That could be fun. Though I wonder about the biking at midnight. Without a helmet. Hmm. I'll think on it.
It felt so good to get out there again though. Must. Be. Better. About it.
It's a gorgeous 70 out today after all.
In any case, I made my first foray to the grocery store a mile away by bike, and hauling groceries back on my back. WooHA that was exhilarating and fun. :) I feel like an honest to gods adult urban BIKER now, running an errand on my bike. Probably added a good extra 3 pounds to my back.
The route is interesting. it's a slight incline most of the way there except for the big downhill by my house and the big downhill by the store. It means I was working during most of it, but got a good start and a satisfying finish on the way there. The way back, it meant that I had two HUGE hills to come up with the extra weight on my back. However, I got to rest for a good period in there as I coasted most of the way home. Even made it up the home hill too and when I hit our driveway I went "What? Already?" because I had thought the hill was bigger. :-D
I definitely feel it though that I haven't been in almost a month of crappy weather or crappy attitude. Must get out again tomorrow. Maybe I an get my light installed and I'll bike to my friends' place for class tomorrow. That could be fun. Though I wonder about the biking at midnight. Without a helmet. Hmm. I'll think on it.
It felt so good to get out there again though. Must. Be. Better. About it.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Unexpected
So, went away for the weekend the same point we got gluten back. Gluten seems to have generally gone well, except for the part where wheat makes one crave more wheat. The big problem of this weekend happened when we went to a Chinese Buffet though, thinking we might be able to eat some of the stuff.
No, we were incredibly ill on Saturday night, and even by Monday I'm still not feeling right. It was pretty immediate and there was way more time than bad reactions had been taking, so I'm pretty sure that it's the Chinese food and not the wheat or the accidental dairy that I had. So I'm guessing that the problem with pizza really was the tomatoes, and not the dairy. Weird. Must be MSG. It's the only thing we can think of.
Much to our disappointment though, there was no biking still. The weather has been just crap. So we drove down there and the bikes stayed on the back of the car the whole flippin' weekend. Not the fab getaway I was hoping for, but it was still lovely to just have some relaxing time with him. I just wish it had been... well... healthier.
No, we were incredibly ill on Saturday night, and even by Monday I'm still not feeling right. It was pretty immediate and there was way more time than bad reactions had been taking, so I'm pretty sure that it's the Chinese food and not the wheat or the accidental dairy that I had. So I'm guessing that the problem with pizza really was the tomatoes, and not the dairy. Weird. Must be MSG. It's the only thing we can think of.
Much to our disappointment though, there was no biking still. The weather has been just crap. So we drove down there and the bikes stayed on the back of the car the whole flippin' weekend. Not the fab getaway I was hoping for, but it was still lovely to just have some relaxing time with him. I just wish it had been... well... healthier.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
update
Still have not managed to get on my bike. The weather has been for crap, and on the nice days I've been incredibly busy as it is. May 1 is a busy busy time for me, with 5 different meanings for me, including PiC and my's anniversary.
Good news is that eggs are not a problem. Nor does yeast seem to be, other than the fact that yeast seems to make me HUNGRY. As in I've eaten more in the last couple of days than I had all up to now; I wonder if this is why I have historically overate.
I'm starting to wonder if maybe my problem is ultimately a candida issue, and this diet that we've been on really hasn't addressed anything like a systemic candida infestation. If I'm still concerned about something like that, then I might try personally removing some of the candida feeding things and see what happens with that in a couple of months. I'm not going to make my family do this again.
This weekend though, PiC and I are headed to New Ulm. There will be a winery, and a brewery, and biking. He's in charge of finding the bike trails we're going to go on. :) I seriously need a break from the cities, so this is going to be good.
Good news is that eggs are not a problem. Nor does yeast seem to be, other than the fact that yeast seems to make me HUNGRY. As in I've eaten more in the last couple of days than I had all up to now; I wonder if this is why I have historically overate.
I'm starting to wonder if maybe my problem is ultimately a candida issue, and this diet that we've been on really hasn't addressed anything like a systemic candida infestation. If I'm still concerned about something like that, then I might try personally removing some of the candida feeding things and see what happens with that in a couple of months. I'm not going to make my family do this again.
This weekend though, PiC and I are headed to New Ulm. There will be a winery, and a brewery, and biking. He's in charge of finding the bike trails we're going to go on. :) I seriously need a break from the cities, so this is going to be good.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Meh
It's been about two weeks that I've plateaued at the same weight. I'm fairly certain that with the introduction of sugar and alcohol that my weight loss has come to a screeching halt. Not surprising really. But it's still disappointing because I won't reach my goal weight. By tomorrow. Still, a loss of 21 pounds is a win. And I do feel better, even if I'm feeling a bit.... bloated and heavy. Which makes me realize how ucky I felt 21 pounds heavier.
I still haven't been on the bike in a bit. I'm not sure what the block in my head is. I think that's also why the weight loss has stalled. But for as awesome as it makes me feel, I've been feeling tired lately. Perhaps also because of the sugar and alcohol. So while I'm not exactly having a lot of that, I'm still back to cutting back as much as possible without being a teetotaler.
We did however update our schedule for the elimination diet to give us some of the things that are harder to avoid and get them tested early. It's not keeping with the phases that they had in the book, but I think it suits us better. And it makes it possible for me to do some of the things that I want to during the month of May.
5/1 Eggs
5/4 Yeast/Gluten-free bread
5/7 Gluten
5/10 Kiwi
5/11 Sesame
5/13 Corn
5/16 Oats
5/19 Millet
5/22 Dairy
We'd found that fruit issues seem to show up immediately or not at all in us, so that gets only a day. We seriously miss eggs for our weekend breakfasts, and for me my weekday breakfasts. And with that back, I can get back to baking in earnest, because while flax seeds *work* for baking, they're not all that great. IMO. Make things gritty.
Getting gluten back on 5/7 also means that PiC and I can have an easier time going out of town for our anniversary (which is this weekend, but that is incredibly busy). We can go to a brewery for beer tasting, we can have pasta and make sandwiches for the trip. Because the thought is that we're going to do some biking on a trail down near New Ulm. I don't know how far I will make it, especially since I haven't been going, but we can always stop. Wait a while. Bike some more.
I think OSO is getting as weary of this diet as I am. Though I think that she has adjusted to it better. Her weariness may be more due to my whining than anything else. And PiC is thinking that he actually likes rice and beans as a staple for lunch. I am entertained. :)
I still haven't been on the bike in a bit. I'm not sure what the block in my head is. I think that's also why the weight loss has stalled. But for as awesome as it makes me feel, I've been feeling tired lately. Perhaps also because of the sugar and alcohol. So while I'm not exactly having a lot of that, I'm still back to cutting back as much as possible without being a teetotaler.
We did however update our schedule for the elimination diet to give us some of the things that are harder to avoid and get them tested early. It's not keeping with the phases that they had in the book, but I think it suits us better. And it makes it possible for me to do some of the things that I want to during the month of May.
5/1 Eggs
5/4 Yeast/Gluten-free bread
5/7 Gluten
5/10 Kiwi
5/11 Sesame
5/13 Corn
5/16 Oats
5/19 Millet
5/22 Dairy
We'd found that fruit issues seem to show up immediately or not at all in us, so that gets only a day. We seriously miss eggs for our weekend breakfasts, and for me my weekday breakfasts. And with that back, I can get back to baking in earnest, because while flax seeds *work* for baking, they're not all that great. IMO. Make things gritty.
Getting gluten back on 5/7 also means that PiC and I can have an easier time going out of town for our anniversary (which is this weekend, but that is incredibly busy). We can go to a brewery for beer tasting, we can have pasta and make sandwiches for the trip. Because the thought is that we're going to do some biking on a trail down near New Ulm. I don't know how far I will make it, especially since I haven't been going, but we can always stop. Wait a while. Bike some more.
I think OSO is getting as weary of this diet as I am. Though I think that she has adjusted to it better. Her weariness may be more due to my whining than anything else. And PiC is thinking that he actually likes rice and beans as a staple for lunch. I am entertained. :)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
No riding
It has been since Wednesday since I rode my bike. I'm missing it. In fact, I think it has more to do with why I feel tired today than anything other than the cold and damp that it is. Which is why no riding in the rain. My joints would be pissed at me.
In the mean time though, happily oranges do not seem to cause any more of a problem than a little bit of congestion. Which means I can have my Sunday morning mimosas again. I have to say that I approve of that, I would have missed traditional mimosas.
I'm ready for the rain to be gone though. I need some warm days. I want to bake winter out of my bones.
In the mean time though, happily oranges do not seem to cause any more of a problem than a little bit of congestion. Which means I can have my Sunday morning mimosas again. I have to say that I approve of that, I would have missed traditional mimosas.
I'm ready for the rain to be gone though. I need some warm days. I want to bake winter out of my bones.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Up Da Hill!
After punking out on Monday and Tuesday rides, I decided to go today even though I may need to work tonight. I'm glad I did, it's a flipping gorgeous day, and I saw that my little orchard is starting to bloom with big pink flowers. I give it three days before it has complete erupted in bloom.
But I did my typical 3.6 mile ride. I know PiC thinks me a bit boring for always riding the same way, but to be honest, I can best gauge what my progress is this way. I know what it was like last time, and I know the differences this time.
I went slower, working on pacing myself. My ride was back to 30 minutes. Thing is, there were two major differences. 1) My legs were not exhausted when I got home. I was just starting to feel the burn, which is what led me to try 2) I biked up the hill to our house in the lowest gear. I stopped half way up to catch my breath, but only for 30 seconds or so. And otherwise I biked it. I haven't done that before. And even though my legs are completely made of jello now, I see it as a great measure of my progress.
The weekend is still looking rainy, but maybe there will be time to get out there anyway. I can hope. I definitely should make it out Thursday and Friday just in case Saturday and Sunday are a wash.
Still keeping steady on the weight thing. This is how I push on through. Or not. But if I do, it could end up just being muscles and that's fine too. :)
But I did my typical 3.6 mile ride. I know PiC thinks me a bit boring for always riding the same way, but to be honest, I can best gauge what my progress is this way. I know what it was like last time, and I know the differences this time.
I went slower, working on pacing myself. My ride was back to 30 minutes. Thing is, there were two major differences. 1) My legs were not exhausted when I got home. I was just starting to feel the burn, which is what led me to try 2) I biked up the hill to our house in the lowest gear. I stopped half way up to catch my breath, but only for 30 seconds or so. And otherwise I biked it. I haven't done that before. And even though my legs are completely made of jello now, I see it as a great measure of my progress.
The weekend is still looking rainy, but maybe there will be time to get out there anyway. I can hope. I definitely should make it out Thursday and Friday just in case Saturday and Sunday are a wash.
Still keeping steady on the weight thing. This is how I push on through. Or not. But if I do, it could end up just being muscles and that's fine too. :)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
On sugar and lack of desire for it.
One other curious thing that I have noticed since introducing sugar back. While it is useful for the properties in cooking etc, I find that I really crave it like I did previously. I don't find myself thinking about it. I don't really want it that strongly, other than in chocolate.
A part of me wonders if this will happen when I test wheat and gluten. I'd like for them to be not as big a deal.
But really if the only thing that happens from this is that I have broken my sugar addiction, I manage to avoid HFCS, and I eat tomatoes only on rare occasion, I think that this whole process has been a win, for as frustrated as it makes me.
A part of me wonders if this will happen when I test wheat and gluten. I'd like for them to be not as big a deal.
But really if the only thing that happens from this is that I have broken my sugar addiction, I manage to avoid HFCS, and I eat tomatoes only on rare occasion, I think that this whole process has been a win, for as frustrated as it makes me.
Stand Still, Move Forward
My weight has been pretty stable for the last week or so, hovering at the same weight within a .5 pound each way. We also introduced sugar back in, though I'm keeping it limited, so that probably has something to do with it. The side effect of me staying stationary with the weight loss has been that I'm starting to feel kinda... blimpy. Even at 20 pounds lighter than I was 2 months ago. And still at least 3 pounds from my current goal/benchmark.
It's kind of ridiculous, I can see when I look at that objectively. Hell, I can even look at myself in a mirror and see the difference. It doesn't make a difference in my feeling about my body from within my skin. I need to be at least 20 more pounds lighter by the end of the summer, I think. That's with the recognition that it's going to be a hell of a lot more work from here on out. And meaning I'll need a whole new wardrobe for winter.
I didn't get out at all on my bike last week though. I'm not kidding myself that that is disconnected from my current standstill on weight. But today was a gorgeous day and I had time from all the other productive things I've been doing with my time, so I went out alone for a ride, just down to 28th Ave and back along the creek.
Gorgeous day. The trees are blooming though, and pretty though it may be with the orchard like lining of the bike path for stretches, I can feel it in my lungs. 3.6 miles. And when I got back I was wheezing a little bit. Depressed myself with the walk up the hill back to the house again and just feeling exhausted. But then I looked at a time stamp of a Facebook status I made, and it said it had been 26 minutes since that post.
Well, knowing at what stage that I was at in getting out of the house for my ride at that point, I have to say I was out there for at *most* 20 minutes on that bikeride. Which is 10 minutes faster than I had ridden it the last time I did that. Well hell, no WONDER I was out of breath and exhausted when I got back. I sprinted instead of doing endurance biking. But still a good workout at that, and more than I had done before.
So faster, if not longer. I think I can take that as progress. I need to pace myself better during this week, and see if I can make myself go longer then. I want to try a 5.3 mile ride next weekend around Lake Nokomis, even if I have to stop for a while. But I need to see if I can push myself a little further if slower this week. It is supposed to be nice all week, so I have to insist on getting out in the afternoon when I get home. Weekend might not be nice until Sunday. But hopefully there is at least one nice weekend day for my expedition.
And maybe this time next week I can be down 2 pounds again, and closer to goal weight. Well, my current goal weight at least.
As for the elimination diet, I accidentally had HFCS on Friday. You see, I was certain that I knew what went into sushi. What I didn't count on was that the vinegar in the sushi from Macy's downtown had freakin' HFCS in it. I kinda shrugged my shoulders, and moved on, but later that day I started noticing the heart racing/anxiety reaction. I'm fairly certain that the HFCS is the culprit, because regular sugar, and even regular fructose didn't cause that. There was nothing else in the sushi that I hadn't had before.
So I will have to wait until we get to corn at the end of May to find out if it's corn that is the problem or HFCS in particular. All I know is that shit is EVIL.
It's kind of ridiculous, I can see when I look at that objectively. Hell, I can even look at myself in a mirror and see the difference. It doesn't make a difference in my feeling about my body from within my skin. I need to be at least 20 more pounds lighter by the end of the summer, I think. That's with the recognition that it's going to be a hell of a lot more work from here on out. And meaning I'll need a whole new wardrobe for winter.
I didn't get out at all on my bike last week though. I'm not kidding myself that that is disconnected from my current standstill on weight. But today was a gorgeous day and I had time from all the other productive things I've been doing with my time, so I went out alone for a ride, just down to 28th Ave and back along the creek.
Gorgeous day. The trees are blooming though, and pretty though it may be with the orchard like lining of the bike path for stretches, I can feel it in my lungs. 3.6 miles. And when I got back I was wheezing a little bit. Depressed myself with the walk up the hill back to the house again and just feeling exhausted. But then I looked at a time stamp of a Facebook status I made, and it said it had been 26 minutes since that post.
Well, knowing at what stage that I was at in getting out of the house for my ride at that point, I have to say I was out there for at *most* 20 minutes on that bikeride. Which is 10 minutes faster than I had ridden it the last time I did that. Well hell, no WONDER I was out of breath and exhausted when I got back. I sprinted instead of doing endurance biking. But still a good workout at that, and more than I had done before.
So faster, if not longer. I think I can take that as progress. I need to pace myself better during this week, and see if I can make myself go longer then. I want to try a 5.3 mile ride next weekend around Lake Nokomis, even if I have to stop for a while. But I need to see if I can push myself a little further if slower this week. It is supposed to be nice all week, so I have to insist on getting out in the afternoon when I get home. Weekend might not be nice until Sunday. But hopefully there is at least one nice weekend day for my expedition.
And maybe this time next week I can be down 2 pounds again, and closer to goal weight. Well, my current goal weight at least.
As for the elimination diet, I accidentally had HFCS on Friday. You see, I was certain that I knew what went into sushi. What I didn't count on was that the vinegar in the sushi from Macy's downtown had freakin' HFCS in it. I kinda shrugged my shoulders, and moved on, but later that day I started noticing the heart racing/anxiety reaction. I'm fairly certain that the HFCS is the culprit, because regular sugar, and even regular fructose didn't cause that. There was nothing else in the sushi that I hadn't had before.
So I will have to wait until we get to corn at the end of May to find out if it's corn that is the problem or HFCS in particular. All I know is that shit is EVIL.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Definitely no tomatoes
We had pasta last night, with tomatoes cooked and tossed in with the rest of the food.
This morning, I not only have digestive unhappiness still, but I have a splitting headache and ache all over. It's kind of like a hangover, to be honest. And I'm pretty well miserable.
Yup. That would be the problem. *sigh* I'm going to have to figure out how to get over this. Even if I have to do the homeopathy thing to try to mitigate. I will desperately miss them. If it's the only thing, I might try to figure out who to live with it. But.... Great unhappiness.
This morning, I not only have digestive unhappiness still, but I have a splitting headache and ache all over. It's kind of like a hangover, to be honest. And I'm pretty well miserable.
Yup. That would be the problem. *sigh* I'm going to have to figure out how to get over this. Even if I have to do the homeopathy thing to try to mitigate. I will desperately miss them. If it's the only thing, I might try to figure out who to live with it. But.... Great unhappiness.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Dissonance
Strawberries went well yesterday from what I could find, but it was an overall emotional day in other venues. I failed at eating lunch, for instances. So before dinner I had eaten a fruit smoothie and a bottle of apple juice. Dinner I ate limited amounts, and quickly, and not much else.
It meant I lost a pound between yesterday morning and this morning. This is not something I want to repeat though. I don't want to actually be starving myself. I hit a point of losing like 4 pounds in the last week today. That is seriously too fast and not okay. I will probably be up again tomorrow if I eat normal meals today.
Thing is, I'm at a point where while I know that I'm losing weight, I'm not *noticing*. I know it sounds weird. But there was a moment when I woke up one morning and said "I bet I feel like I'm a pound lighter". And I actually was. Now, even though I'm losing weight, I feel the same. I can't tell the results. I'm not seeing the change in the clothes.
It makes me wonder if I'm losing actual weight or messing with water at this point. Am I just dehydrated, etc.
I am at this moment less than I was when I met PiC though. Not to this month's goal weight, but I have 2 weeks to lose 2.5 pounds. Haven't biked yet this week. I think it has been about a week. I need to get out today. Still working on the motivation issues from before.
Is it Friday yet?
It meant I lost a pound between yesterday morning and this morning. This is not something I want to repeat though. I don't want to actually be starving myself. I hit a point of losing like 4 pounds in the last week today. That is seriously too fast and not okay. I will probably be up again tomorrow if I eat normal meals today.
Thing is, I'm at a point where while I know that I'm losing weight, I'm not *noticing*. I know it sounds weird. But there was a moment when I woke up one morning and said "I bet I feel like I'm a pound lighter". And I actually was. Now, even though I'm losing weight, I feel the same. I can't tell the results. I'm not seeing the change in the clothes.
It makes me wonder if I'm losing actual weight or messing with water at this point. Am I just dehydrated, etc.
I am at this moment less than I was when I met PiC though. Not to this month's goal weight, but I have 2 weeks to lose 2.5 pounds. Haven't biked yet this week. I think it has been about a week. I need to get out today. Still working on the motivation issues from before.
Is it Friday yet?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
New Number One Rule
Never EVER talk with coworkers about current strategies to get into biking or get healthier. You would think that I would have learned this. But when the coworker starts talking about how she got on her bike for the first time this season and went 20 miles...
There's no kudos for a 3.5 mile ride. You can't even make it the 5 miles to go all the way around Lake Harriet? Pshaw.
This is what I fight against when I try to get myself going. No. I can't. I can't just *push through it*. To do so is to invite injury upon myself because that is what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I try that in my exercise program. There's no understanding, and there's a bit of condescension when trying to talk about it. That's not encouragement.
I need to stop when my body says stop. Because it's not a little bit of leg soreness I risk, it's having to lay down for 3 days straight because my back can't handle it.
These are the people who picked on me in gym class. Fuck them. It's a victory just feeling well enough to go out there. To go 2 miles. To move at fucking all.
Now maybe if I tell myself that enough I'll actually believe it. I'd rather go in the bathroom at work and cry.
There's no kudos for a 3.5 mile ride. You can't even make it the 5 miles to go all the way around Lake Harriet? Pshaw.
This is what I fight against when I try to get myself going. No. I can't. I can't just *push through it*. To do so is to invite injury upon myself because that is what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I try that in my exercise program. There's no understanding, and there's a bit of condescension when trying to talk about it. That's not encouragement.
I need to stop when my body says stop. Because it's not a little bit of leg soreness I risk, it's having to lay down for 3 days straight because my back can't handle it.
These are the people who picked on me in gym class. Fuck them. It's a victory just feeling well enough to go out there. To go 2 miles. To move at fucking all.
Now maybe if I tell myself that enough I'll actually believe it. I'd rather go in the bathroom at work and cry.
More confused than ever
Had lamb kabobs on the weekend. And I did not have the same sort of GI distress that I had on my birthday. Not by a long shot. And so now I'm unclear as to whether I can be eating red meat or not. Unless the fish was bad. Or the tamari wasn't wheat free. Or there was hidden butter at lunch on my birthday. Or something else I missed. *sigh* Or maybe I was just sick.
Caffeine had the same effect that it always does. Which is to say Monday I'm tired and dehydrated. We're going to skip that whole tea thing except on weekends, I think. And I will not be going anywhere near Coke again. Ugh. Morning came too quick this morning.
I think caffeine has also contributed to my mood issue. That and my general back crappiness. I cleaned a bunch in the apartment this weekend, me and the housemates, and that was about all the activity I could handle. I missed a social engagement, I couldn't go biking, because I was on a painkiller that lasted way too long. And now I'm on the emotional downslide from that. Meh.
5 pounds away from my latest goal, and that's for the end of the month. We'll see. I really want to make the stretch goal, not just the official goal.
Caffeine had the same effect that it always does. Which is to say Monday I'm tired and dehydrated. We're going to skip that whole tea thing except on weekends, I think. And I will not be going anywhere near Coke again. Ugh. Morning came too quick this morning.
I think caffeine has also contributed to my mood issue. That and my general back crappiness. I cleaned a bunch in the apartment this weekend, me and the housemates, and that was about all the activity I could handle. I missed a social engagement, I couldn't go biking, because I was on a painkiller that lasted way too long. And now I'm on the emotional downslide from that. Meh.
5 pounds away from my latest goal, and that's for the end of the month. We'll see. I really want to make the stretch goal, not just the official goal.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Satisfied
There is something intensely satisfying with being exactly on the trend line for where I'm supposed to be weight wise towards my goal weight and date.
Intensely satisfying.
Intensely satisfying.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Too fast
So yesterday was my birthday. I tried to craft something that was both of the sort of food celebration that I associate with my birthday, but also within my diet.
Breakfast was waffles, with ground flaxseeds and water standing in for the eggs, and a gluten free mix we found that would fit the plan where we stand right now. They were... Okay.
I also ate at two restaurants.
The first was a greek restaurant that I am quite fond of, Gardens of Salonica. There I split a slab of lamb and half of one little potato (there were three of those on the plate) with PiC. And a little plate of olive oil soaked artichoke hearts. My mouth was singing. My head felt a little cotton stuffed, and that was consistent with the potato but I otherwise didn't feel all that off.
Went biking. 3.6 miles, down to Lake Nokomis and down a small bit before resting and then heading back. It was beautiful if just a little cold. If we keep having weather like this in March and April though, I'm going to stop complaining about Minnesota weather.
We came home and had ice cream that was dairy free and made with coconut milk. It was okay, but I'm sure I won't be having that again. And I had my banana and one dried papaya strip.
Then we went to Fuji-Ya, which I haven't been to for sushi in a very long time. We were very upfront with our waitron and she was as obliging as could be. We got 3 sashimi platters and a bowl of miso and requested tamari for our dipping sauce with the wasabi. I found out that I *love* red snapper, which I had never been aware of having before in sushi form.
We got home, and I was immediately sick. In a fashion that I have not been since we started this diet, it wasn't even this bad with the tomatoes. But with all that I had, I can't point to something and go "a ha, this is the problem".
I'm seriously heartbroken. I can't handle getting sick everytime I go out to eat again, but now I'm a little gunshy. I don't have a clue what it was that caused it.
It might have been the lamb, but I'm not certain. Red Meat is supposed to be hard on the system, especially if one has IBS. Or it could have been the volume of coconut milk. PiC thought it might have been the raw fish too, but that just doesn't seem right to me. Or maybe it was the potato, but I didn't have that reaction to potato before so it's even scarier because now my body doesn't seem a predictable place.
I'm going to suggest that we try lamb again on the weekend. Please don't be the problem so that I can never have the world's most perfect meat again. :(
Breakfast was waffles, with ground flaxseeds and water standing in for the eggs, and a gluten free mix we found that would fit the plan where we stand right now. They were... Okay.
I also ate at two restaurants.
The first was a greek restaurant that I am quite fond of, Gardens of Salonica. There I split a slab of lamb and half of one little potato (there were three of those on the plate) with PiC. And a little plate of olive oil soaked artichoke hearts. My mouth was singing. My head felt a little cotton stuffed, and that was consistent with the potato but I otherwise didn't feel all that off.
Went biking. 3.6 miles, down to Lake Nokomis and down a small bit before resting and then heading back. It was beautiful if just a little cold. If we keep having weather like this in March and April though, I'm going to stop complaining about Minnesota weather.
We came home and had ice cream that was dairy free and made with coconut milk. It was okay, but I'm sure I won't be having that again. And I had my banana and one dried papaya strip.
Then we went to Fuji-Ya, which I haven't been to for sushi in a very long time. We were very upfront with our waitron and she was as obliging as could be. We got 3 sashimi platters and a bowl of miso and requested tamari for our dipping sauce with the wasabi. I found out that I *love* red snapper, which I had never been aware of having before in sushi form.
We got home, and I was immediately sick. In a fashion that I have not been since we started this diet, it wasn't even this bad with the tomatoes. But with all that I had, I can't point to something and go "a ha, this is the problem".
I'm seriously heartbroken. I can't handle getting sick everytime I go out to eat again, but now I'm a little gunshy. I don't have a clue what it was that caused it.
It might have been the lamb, but I'm not certain. Red Meat is supposed to be hard on the system, especially if one has IBS. Or it could have been the volume of coconut milk. PiC thought it might have been the raw fish too, but that just doesn't seem right to me. Or maybe it was the potato, but I didn't have that reaction to potato before so it's even scarier because now my body doesn't seem a predictable place.
I'm going to suggest that we try lamb again on the weekend. Please don't be the problem so that I can never have the world's most perfect meat again. :(
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Towards the New Normal
There were intentions on biking today, but I think I might have slightly over did it yesterday. I mostly was kinda tired today until I hit the point where I was flat out exhausted and had to sleep. I think that's because I failed to eat lunch. Shouldn't do that again. But even having had a positively fabulous dinner, I haven't quite perked up and still feel kinda sluggish.
Even my mom, who I Skyped with this morning for Easter mentioned that I look like I've lost quite a bit of weight. Hit 17 pounds lost this morning with yet another pound gone and I am in awe.
Dinner though was I think one of the best things we've done since we started on this diet. And I mentioned that with the dinner we made, I feel like we're finally heading back into the realm of Normal with our food choices. Just healthier.
We had grilled chicken that was brushed with an olive oil/agave nectar/fresh poultry seasonings blend. And he grilled them to perfection, even the little bit of charring was *tasty*. Grilled asparagus too.
And then because we're testing the tree nuts at this point, I made a pilaf for the side. A pilaf is sorta like a risotto and sorta not. Whereas with a risotto you *must* stir it and you add the liquid a little at a time, a pilaf you *must not* stir it. But otherwise it is the same. You take the things that will be in the pilaf, you saute them up, you saute the rice in the oil with them, and then you add the liquid all at once and ignore it until the liquid is absorbed like a regular rice.
Our pilaf had onions, the rest of the poultry seasonings, whole skinned toasted hazelnuts, and chicken broth for the liquid for our medium grained brown rice. OMG it had been a long time since I'd done a pilaf and this was incredible. Maybe it's not as classic as some, but it certainly worked for our tastes.
I think one of the best things about this elimination diet is that it's forcing us to think of new ways to use our food as they are available. The nuts is what made me think pilaf, especially when I decided I didn't want the hassle of doing hazelnut encrusted chicken as had been my original thought for tonight. This seemed easier.
But also, tonight was the first time that I felt like we were back to "normal" food. I don't really know what it is that switched in my head with the nuts. I think in part because with each thing we add so many OPTIONS are coming up as possibilities. While there are certainly things that I miss, tonight, I didn't want for any of it.
And that feels really cool.
Even my mom, who I Skyped with this morning for Easter mentioned that I look like I've lost quite a bit of weight. Hit 17 pounds lost this morning with yet another pound gone and I am in awe.
Dinner though was I think one of the best things we've done since we started on this diet. And I mentioned that with the dinner we made, I feel like we're finally heading back into the realm of Normal with our food choices. Just healthier.
We had grilled chicken that was brushed with an olive oil/agave nectar/fresh poultry seasonings blend. And he grilled them to perfection, even the little bit of charring was *tasty*. Grilled asparagus too.
And then because we're testing the tree nuts at this point, I made a pilaf for the side. A pilaf is sorta like a risotto and sorta not. Whereas with a risotto you *must* stir it and you add the liquid a little at a time, a pilaf you *must not* stir it. But otherwise it is the same. You take the things that will be in the pilaf, you saute them up, you saute the rice in the oil with them, and then you add the liquid all at once and ignore it until the liquid is absorbed like a regular rice.
Our pilaf had onions, the rest of the poultry seasonings, whole skinned toasted hazelnuts, and chicken broth for the liquid for our medium grained brown rice. OMG it had been a long time since I'd done a pilaf and this was incredible. Maybe it's not as classic as some, but it certainly worked for our tastes.
I think one of the best things about this elimination diet is that it's forcing us to think of new ways to use our food as they are available. The nuts is what made me think pilaf, especially when I decided I didn't want the hassle of doing hazelnut encrusted chicken as had been my original thought for tonight. This seemed easier.
But also, tonight was the first time that I felt like we were back to "normal" food. I don't really know what it is that switched in my head with the nuts. I think in part because with each thing we add so many OPTIONS are coming up as possibilities. While there are certainly things that I miss, tonight, I didn't want for any of it.
And that feels really cool.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
I'm Melting!
I knew the weight loss, it was coming. I am now .6 pounds below goal, and 4 days early.
So goal has been reset for next goal. I want to hit 10% weight loss by the time I reach my 2 year anniversary with PiC. Which is May 1. So I can be at or below what I was when I met him. I may not make it to 10%, but so long as I'm at what I was when I met him, I will feel a continued success at this. 10% can wait until Memorial Day if it has to.
We shall see if I can maintain a 2 lb per week weight loss as we add in refined sugar, caffeine, chocolate, and alcohol over the next month. Moderation, my dear Tegan. Moderation.
I think this afternoon is a bike ride.... *happy dance*
ETA: Yup. 3.5 miles. That means I have biked a full 7.3 miles this week. WOO!!
So goal has been reset for next goal. I want to hit 10% weight loss by the time I reach my 2 year anniversary with PiC. Which is May 1. So I can be at or below what I was when I met him. I may not make it to 10%, but so long as I'm at what I was when I met him, I will feel a continued success at this. 10% can wait until Memorial Day if it has to.
We shall see if I can maintain a 2 lb per week weight loss as we add in refined sugar, caffeine, chocolate, and alcohol over the next month. Moderation, my dear Tegan. Moderation.
I think this afternoon is a bike ride.... *happy dance*
ETA: Yup. 3.5 miles. That means I have biked a full 7.3 miles this week. WOO!!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Freedom, Joy, and Pain
With my starting to bike, the world seems way smaller AND bigger than I thought it to be. I really like travelling through the world with both speed and awareness. I had forgotten how much I loved biking. I can see this becoming my preferred method of travel on a daily basis.
With all of that though, my back is feeling.... not pained, but a little bit grumpy this morning. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong or need to do differently so that this does not become a block for me.
To the internet for me. I need to not break. Really.
With all of that though, my back is feeling.... not pained, but a little bit grumpy this morning. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong or need to do differently so that this does not become a block for me.
To the internet for me. I need to not break. Really.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Round and round we go
Survived Chicken just fine. And beans, they were never an issue. I did on the last day of Chicken try Potato and Pepper again, but in smaller doses than I typically have. I suspect that if I have my nightshades very limited, and time it with my cycle properly, that I can have them in small quantities. We'll still try tomatoes again later.
Tonight I'm baking a Turkey breast. So as to have that with lunch tomorrow too. Good, because I'm getting sick and tired of salad. This does not bode well over all.
Mostly, the big news is I'm back on the bike, twice this week. Yesterday I biked 1 mile as I tried to and failed to make it to the store that is 1 mile away. I only made it half way when I realized I had forgotten my lock and so therefore had to turn around. At which point I knew that while I could make it there, I was too tired to make it back easily from the store, and so just drove. There were hills too, so it wouldn't have been an easy mile. We'll try next time.
But today I had more energy. And I biked a little further than I did with PiC and OSO the last time I went out with them. 2.8 miles. I was aiming for 3, but I didn't check my route before hand and I think that worked. I bet if I actually went down to the lake and then back it would have been 3 miles. Ah well, next time. All in all that took me about 30 minutes on my own. And I feel AWESOME. And stinky.
I looked at the map though, and if I can handle biking to, around, and back from the lake, that is 5.5 miles. That's about how much it would take to get to work. And I'd be able to bike commute like PiC does. So now I have the training route I'm aiming for. :)
I did have a small bit of Not Good Enough while biking. I wasn't "dressed" right, I was going kinda slow, but I was out there. And it's going to take time. None of them gave me shit, just wanted me to get over when they were going by faster. And I don't blame them.
Also? It's a lovely 80 out there. Perfect perfect weather. Yeehaw.
Tonight I'm baking a Turkey breast. So as to have that with lunch tomorrow too. Good, because I'm getting sick and tired of salad. This does not bode well over all.
Mostly, the big news is I'm back on the bike, twice this week. Yesterday I biked 1 mile as I tried to and failed to make it to the store that is 1 mile away. I only made it half way when I realized I had forgotten my lock and so therefore had to turn around. At which point I knew that while I could make it there, I was too tired to make it back easily from the store, and so just drove. There were hills too, so it wouldn't have been an easy mile. We'll try next time.
But today I had more energy. And I biked a little further than I did with PiC and OSO the last time I went out with them. 2.8 miles. I was aiming for 3, but I didn't check my route before hand and I think that worked. I bet if I actually went down to the lake and then back it would have been 3 miles. Ah well, next time. All in all that took me about 30 minutes on my own. And I feel AWESOME. And stinky.
I looked at the map though, and if I can handle biking to, around, and back from the lake, that is 5.5 miles. That's about how much it would take to get to work. And I'd be able to bike commute like PiC does. So now I have the training route I'm aiming for. :)
I did have a small bit of Not Good Enough while biking. I wasn't "dressed" right, I was going kinda slow, but I was out there. And it's going to take time. None of them gave me shit, just wanted me to get over when they were going by faster. And I don't blame them.
Also? It's a lovely 80 out there. Perfect perfect weather. Yeehaw.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Not much new today
I haven't started on the bean additions yet. The plan is for a salad at lunch with chickpeas! I forgot to do my hummus, but I will be making some to share with friends tomorrow. I love me some hummus.
I did also do the measurements of myself instead of weighing myself this morning. There's something satisfying about seeing that in the last month, your hips have reduced by 3 inches, your waist by 1, your thighs by 1 each...
I can even feel the difference in my skin. And that's a good thing.
Tomorrow morning, some of the frozen fruits for a happy smoothie. Complete with soy protein.
I did also do the measurements of myself instead of weighing myself this morning. There's something satisfying about seeing that in the last month, your hips have reduced by 3 inches, your waist by 1, your thighs by 1 each...
I can even feel the difference in my skin. And that's a good thing.
Tomorrow morning, some of the frozen fruits for a happy smoothie. Complete with soy protein.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Bump in the road
Well, I think I ran across my first intolerance.
I had a small bag of potato chips at lunch yesterday. Everything seemed extra sharp and defined afterwards and I was more sensative to light. Also my joints that hadn't been aching started aching as well. Essentially it is looking like potato has a potential migraine trigger effect for me. We're going to try them again tonight, but I'm not optimistic.
Then for dinner we had rice pasta with red sauce. Mmmm tomatos. Except it felt like my entire GI tract was on fire as a result. Sore throat, upset stomach, unhappy lower GI, a mild *fever*, and I'm still feeling like crap this morning. Which makes me wonder if I just managed to catch something during this, with the whole fever thing, but I won't be able to try this again until after we finish testing everything.
Foo. Foo, I say. No paella for me. No Italian, no Mexican, no so many of my staples. It would explain why I felt like such crap all the time though.
Ugh. I wish I were back in bed.
I had a small bag of potato chips at lunch yesterday. Everything seemed extra sharp and defined afterwards and I was more sensative to light. Also my joints that hadn't been aching started aching as well. Essentially it is looking like potato has a potential migraine trigger effect for me. We're going to try them again tonight, but I'm not optimistic.
Then for dinner we had rice pasta with red sauce. Mmmm tomatos. Except it felt like my entire GI tract was on fire as a result. Sore throat, upset stomach, unhappy lower GI, a mild *fever*, and I'm still feeling like crap this morning. Which makes me wonder if I just managed to catch something during this, with the whole fever thing, but I won't be able to try this again until after we finish testing everything.
Foo. Foo, I say. No paella for me. No Italian, no Mexican, no so many of my staples. It would explain why I felt like such crap all the time though.
Ugh. I wish I were back in bed.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Venturing into the land of Soy
Well, post lemons, we started with tamari. OMG that has completely opened up a whole realm of flavor. Like fried rice! I love tamari, more so than soy sauce. It is the liquid created from the fermentation that creates miso. So I get to enjoy the salty joy of it. No problems with that.
I sped ahead on half way through day 3 getting myself a soy protein shake thing to have at work when I need extra proteins. It's desperately gross. But helpful at least because it does fill me up. I don't think I'll be bothering much with it unless I'm making smoothies.
This morning I got to create a tofu scramble and "home fries" made out of sweet potato. Both tasty, though I think I need to practice the sweet potato one. The tofu scramble was yummy, but still kinda tofu-flavored. I think I need to be heavier on the spices for that one.
The weather had been great, but I had too much other stuff going on at home to be able to bike during the day after dinner. I can't wait for it to be light enough for that. And now it has gotten cold again. Tomorrow should be nice, so I should be able to bike tomorrow in the afternoon for a while. I miss the bike.
And in other fabulous news, I'm just about on goal for weight loss by my birthday. Well, I made my weight loss goal more in line with the rate that I'm actually losing now. And that's 5 pounds heavier than I wanted. But meh, 4 more pounds in 18 days, I think that's a reasonable goal to have by my birthday. And if I'm not quite there, well, I'm okay with that too. The point is that as the weight comes off, I feel better and more able to move, so it comes off more easily if I exercise. I haven't measured my body though. I should do that to check how that's changing. I bet it would be more satisfying than the typical ~2.0 pounds a week.
I do love how it is just melting off though. I really like that a lot. I have to remind myself, if I have a dramatic weight gain, it is likely due to something I added back. PiC has also dropped about 15 pounds himself, being a guy. OSO mentioned today what she was at too, and that was a good level though I'm not sure what volume of poundage that is. Though apparently her bras aren't fitting as well, poor thing. We're going to wait just a little bit and then go get her another one.
It is so much easier to lose weight when the whole house is eating healthier food.
I sped ahead on half way through day 3 getting myself a soy protein shake thing to have at work when I need extra proteins. It's desperately gross. But helpful at least because it does fill me up. I don't think I'll be bothering much with it unless I'm making smoothies.
This morning I got to create a tofu scramble and "home fries" made out of sweet potato. Both tasty, though I think I need to practice the sweet potato one. The tofu scramble was yummy, but still kinda tofu-flavored. I think I need to be heavier on the spices for that one.
The weather had been great, but I had too much other stuff going on at home to be able to bike during the day after dinner. I can't wait for it to be light enough for that. And now it has gotten cold again. Tomorrow should be nice, so I should be able to bike tomorrow in the afternoon for a while. I miss the bike.
And in other fabulous news, I'm just about on goal for weight loss by my birthday. Well, I made my weight loss goal more in line with the rate that I'm actually losing now. And that's 5 pounds heavier than I wanted. But meh, 4 more pounds in 18 days, I think that's a reasonable goal to have by my birthday. And if I'm not quite there, well, I'm okay with that too. The point is that as the weight comes off, I feel better and more able to move, so it comes off more easily if I exercise. I haven't measured my body though. I should do that to check how that's changing. I bet it would be more satisfying than the typical ~2.0 pounds a week.
I do love how it is just melting off though. I really like that a lot. I have to remind myself, if I have a dramatic weight gain, it is likely due to something I added back. PiC has also dropped about 15 pounds himself, being a guy. OSO mentioned today what she was at too, and that was a good level though I'm not sure what volume of poundage that is. Though apparently her bras aren't fitting as well, poor thing. We're going to wait just a little bit and then go get her another one.
It is so much easier to lose weight when the whole house is eating healthier food.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I Less Than Three Lemons and Bikes
I believe that they are what has kept me from going insane now. My food had FLAVOR today. I went so far as last night I ate a whole cooked lemon slice I was so in love with the lemony goodness. No adverse reactions to them, though I'm have a weird fluttering on the right side of my waist. Not sure what that is all about.
I'm dropping about 2.5 pounds a week according to my FitDay tracker. A little higher than is healthy, but I also had the first jump start of water weight in that, so I think I'm still ok. I spent a good portion of today rearranging things in my room and the bathroom so that the apartment is a little cleaner. And we can get to the scale more reasonably.
It is the first gorgeous day out today. So it's the second day that we went out biking. The trails were dry, if gritty. But it was lovely out. And I was winded by the end of it.
Now this is where the critic in me starts going on about how I should have been able to go further. That I used to bike all the time as a kid and would go for miles, and this was a measly half hour of biking. Then PiC and OSO pointed out that we probably went a couple of miles. I was skeptical. But then I went and looked up how far it was that we biked. And yup, down to that intersection it's a mile, so we biked for two miles. It went so *quick*.
Ok, I'm not the most strenuous biker, and by the time we got back, PiC was asking if he could go out again, but it's time to start on dinner so we had to say no he couldn't go out for longer. But maybe we'll let him afterwards. :)
But 2 miles. 145 calories. That's as good as my time on the Wii some nights, so I'll take it. I may even try to go out on my own this week to try to build up my stamina so we can be out for longer as the season goes on. It would be super cool if we could bike to the falls, picnic, and come back.
But 2 miles. I biked 2 miles. And it was awesome.
I'm dropping about 2.5 pounds a week according to my FitDay tracker. A little higher than is healthy, but I also had the first jump start of water weight in that, so I think I'm still ok. I spent a good portion of today rearranging things in my room and the bathroom so that the apartment is a little cleaner. And we can get to the scale more reasonably.
It is the first gorgeous day out today. So it's the second day that we went out biking. The trails were dry, if gritty. But it was lovely out. And I was winded by the end of it.
Now this is where the critic in me starts going on about how I should have been able to go further. That I used to bike all the time as a kid and would go for miles, and this was a measly half hour of biking. Then PiC and OSO pointed out that we probably went a couple of miles. I was skeptical. But then I went and looked up how far it was that we biked. And yup, down to that intersection it's a mile, so we biked for two miles. It went so *quick*.
Ok, I'm not the most strenuous biker, and by the time we got back, PiC was asking if he could go out again, but it's time to start on dinner so we had to say no he couldn't go out for longer. But maybe we'll let him afterwards. :)
But 2 miles. 145 calories. That's as good as my time on the Wii some nights, so I'll take it. I may even try to go out on my own this week to try to build up my stamina so we can be out for longer as the season goes on. It would be super cool if we could bike to the falls, picnic, and come back.
But 2 miles. I biked 2 miles. And it was awesome.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Last day of nothingness
Tomorrow morning marks two weeks on this crazy elim diet thing. And the day that we start adding things back in. Starting with Lemons and Limes. I only failed twice. Once by accident when I put olives on my salad.
Once by completely just having a "fuckitall" moment when I put two splashes of vinegar on my salad because I just couldn't cope with the taste of dirt again. I tried to grab the thing that I thought would least mess with the detox and go for a minimal amount. But I would have completely broken down crying that day if I hadn't. No obvious adverse reactions to it though.
I feel like few people know what this has been like. I could be wrong, maybe far more people are used to diets like this and my priviledge is just showing through. I'm just excited that my food is going to have some Flavor again. Even on Weight Watchers I wasn't this obsessed with food.
The smell of pizza makes me want to weep.
That lemon and dill fish and lime vinegrette salad tomorrow is going to be the tastiest freakin' fish and salad I have ever eaten. Ever.
Weight loss has slowed significantly. I'm okay with that. It looks like it's about a pound a week now. It has rained pretty much every day since we biked last Sunday. I'm not as okay with that. I still feel like I kept to the spirit of things even if I failed at keeping to the exact letter. And I never ever ever have to be on this restrictive of a diet again.
Once by completely just having a "fuckitall" moment when I put two splashes of vinegar on my salad because I just couldn't cope with the taste of dirt again. I tried to grab the thing that I thought would least mess with the detox and go for a minimal amount. But I would have completely broken down crying that day if I hadn't. No obvious adverse reactions to it though.
I feel like few people know what this has been like. I could be wrong, maybe far more people are used to diets like this and my priviledge is just showing through. I'm just excited that my food is going to have some Flavor again. Even on Weight Watchers I wasn't this obsessed with food.
The smell of pizza makes me want to weep.
That lemon and dill fish and lime vinegrette salad tomorrow is going to be the tastiest freakin' fish and salad I have ever eaten. Ever.
Weight loss has slowed significantly. I'm okay with that. It looks like it's about a pound a week now. It has rained pretty much every day since we biked last Sunday. I'm not as okay with that. I still feel like I kept to the spirit of things even if I failed at keeping to the exact letter. And I never ever ever have to be on this restrictive of a diet again.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
weak
I wonder if I should be worried that my cravings are not getting better, they're getting worse.
Today's it's for Greek food. I want a gyro and spinach pie.
Today's it's for Greek food. I want a gyro and spinach pie.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
physical changes
One thing that I'm finding I really like about this is I'm finding I'm sleeping a hell of a lot better. As in my insomnia is just about gone. I'm not having problems falling asleep, I'm dreaming pretty regularly, and I would sleep longer if I had the time to in the morning. To almost 7 on weekends even.
I'm still a bit tired, but I feel otherwise rested. Sleep disturbances are going to be one thing that I very distinctly pay attention to as we start adding in food. I didn't think this would be quite so dramatic in this regard. Maybe others, but this is downright nice.
My general congestion does not seem to have gone down though. Which is making me think that it is likely the cats that I have a slight allergy to. I can't think of any other particular allergen that I am dealing with, so it would make for a good candidate. Which means needing to seriously clean the apartment and figure out how to keep it clean going forward. And unless things shift very dramatically with food, I'm not going to be able to use that as a gauge.
The last thing that is problematic, however, is that the muscle tension has significantly gone up as the joint pain has gone down. As in my right shoulder has been seized up for something going on 3 days now. I cannot get it to relax for anything, and I may have to resort to taking some herbal relaxants that I have so as to get some relief for it. It seriously hurts to distraction. There's a few more days on the detox section, just through Friday. I'm hoping I can also get a massage in there. That would help a bunch.
I'm still a bit tired, but I feel otherwise rested. Sleep disturbances are going to be one thing that I very distinctly pay attention to as we start adding in food. I didn't think this would be quite so dramatic in this regard. Maybe others, but this is downright nice.
My general congestion does not seem to have gone down though. Which is making me think that it is likely the cats that I have a slight allergy to. I can't think of any other particular allergen that I am dealing with, so it would make for a good candidate. Which means needing to seriously clean the apartment and figure out how to keep it clean going forward. And unless things shift very dramatically with food, I'm not going to be able to use that as a gauge.
The last thing that is problematic, however, is that the muscle tension has significantly gone up as the joint pain has gone down. As in my right shoulder has been seized up for something going on 3 days now. I cannot get it to relax for anything, and I may have to resort to taking some herbal relaxants that I have so as to get some relief for it. It seriously hurts to distraction. There's a few more days on the detox section, just through Friday. I'm hoping I can also get a massage in there. That would help a bunch.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Shifting Sands
So, one week and one day down. It has been one hell of a week as well. A number of other things have come to a head in my personal life that in theory have absolutely nothing to do with the cleanse that I'm on.
What I'm finding fascinating is how one handles change and crisis and the like when many of the typical crutches are removed. I can see from here that I use some of my epicurean tendencies to avoid the things that I find unpleasant. Or recover from them.
I've gotten two pieces of news that I really didn't want this week that creates quite a bit of stress in two different environments I spend an awful lot of time in. In both instances, my typical response would have been a fabulous dinner, a bottle of wine or a equally fabulous cocktail, and completely tuning off and forgetting about whatever it is that is causing me stress until I have to go and deal with it in person. Often with whatever I have in my head at that point instead of thinking through a response.
I don't get that luxury now. Though I will admit I had an almost tantrum because I couldn't do whatever it is that I wanted. I didn't toss it all aside like I was tempted to do. But the more that I do that, the easier it is becoming to not rely on the coping mechanism, feel my emotions fully, and move through it. Well at least I think I'm moving through it. I might just be more upset than otherwise. I can't say at this point.
I was looking for a way to re-engineer my relationship with food. I think this is doing it. I just wish it didn't suck so much. And I still miss fabulous meals and bottles of wine.
No headache today. At least so far. It's the first day that has happened. Made teff muffins yesterday for breakfast today. They were fantastic yesterday. Today... they're a little more like sand. I can't say if that's just my attitude today though. Dinner last night before I went over tasted like dirt too.
Or maybe I just have a bad attitude over all with my lack of habitual coping mechanisms.
What I'm finding fascinating is how one handles change and crisis and the like when many of the typical crutches are removed. I can see from here that I use some of my epicurean tendencies to avoid the things that I find unpleasant. Or recover from them.
I've gotten two pieces of news that I really didn't want this week that creates quite a bit of stress in two different environments I spend an awful lot of time in. In both instances, my typical response would have been a fabulous dinner, a bottle of wine or a equally fabulous cocktail, and completely tuning off and forgetting about whatever it is that is causing me stress until I have to go and deal with it in person. Often with whatever I have in my head at that point instead of thinking through a response.
I don't get that luxury now. Though I will admit I had an almost tantrum because I couldn't do whatever it is that I wanted. I didn't toss it all aside like I was tempted to do. But the more that I do that, the easier it is becoming to not rely on the coping mechanism, feel my emotions fully, and move through it. Well at least I think I'm moving through it. I might just be more upset than otherwise. I can't say at this point.
I was looking for a way to re-engineer my relationship with food. I think this is doing it. I just wish it didn't suck so much. And I still miss fabulous meals and bottles of wine.
No headache today. At least so far. It's the first day that has happened. Made teff muffins yesterday for breakfast today. They were fantastic yesterday. Today... they're a little more like sand. I can't say if that's just my attitude today though. Dinner last night before I went over tasted like dirt too.
Or maybe I just have a bad attitude over all with my lack of habitual coping mechanisms.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Today
I really miss eggs.
Day 6. Back up as many pounds. And I'm okay with that, if a little confused as to how.
Day 6. Back up as many pounds. And I'm okay with that, if a little confused as to how.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Adjustment
I've stopped feeling like quite so much crap as the last few days. Actually this started some yesterday, though I think staying home from work was the right answer. I wasn't exhausted all day long as a result, and today I feel better enough that work isn't a problem, I think.
But I feel clear. Not quite as energetic as OSO is, but at least better. I am not fond of some of the digestive impacts of this diet. I am so very much looking forward to putting some things back in my diet so it is... more balanced feeling. And so that I don't feel like I have to constantly graze all day long because the moment I stop eating, I'm hungry 20 minutes later.
Being on essentially a vegan diet has also gotten me to the point where I have completely regressed in my emotional regulation to that which I had when I was 18. I'm sure some of that is blood sugar management. But my temper is flash point for sure at the moment and I really dislike that. I got angry/upset no less than 3 times yesterday. I don't want to believe that this is part of the detox. It isn't helping with my family that way. *sigh*
Really, the biggest benefit I have seen thus far is I've dropped 11.8 pounds in 4 days. Actually, I don't think that that's a good thing, that sort of rapid weight loss scares me. Most of it I'm sure is water weight. And I'm grateful that my clothes are fitting again where they weren't at the end of last week. I just... I don't trust it.
Also, I'm certain I won't have mung bean burgers again once I'm past this part of the diet. I'm glad that I've tried it, this is an interesting experiment, but dude.
One thing I'm stressed about: work lunches. As in we have a new hire that we're taking out to lunch on Monday. I'll be in week two of the cleanse part, and I don't want to miss out on the lunch, but I also don't want to screw up my diet. I have to figure out how I'm going to handle this. There's also another member of my team who has found another job and is leaving March 17th, so there might be one to say goodbye to her. I'm going to miss her a bunch and I want to be at the going away things.
One last thing, yesterday since I took off and started feeling better towards the end of the day, and PiC had also taken off, he took me to the bike shop and we found one that fit me really well. It's not pretty. But it fits my body pretty darned well. And I'll find a way to make it pretty. :) So I have a start on doing that as well. Well, at least I have the tools with which to do it. We'll see about getting started on the biking. I want the ice to go away first so I don't kill myself.
But I feel clear. Not quite as energetic as OSO is, but at least better. I am not fond of some of the digestive impacts of this diet. I am so very much looking forward to putting some things back in my diet so it is... more balanced feeling. And so that I don't feel like I have to constantly graze all day long because the moment I stop eating, I'm hungry 20 minutes later.
Being on essentially a vegan diet has also gotten me to the point where I have completely regressed in my emotional regulation to that which I had when I was 18. I'm sure some of that is blood sugar management. But my temper is flash point for sure at the moment and I really dislike that. I got angry/upset no less than 3 times yesterday. I don't want to believe that this is part of the detox. It isn't helping with my family that way. *sigh*
Really, the biggest benefit I have seen thus far is I've dropped 11.8 pounds in 4 days. Actually, I don't think that that's a good thing, that sort of rapid weight loss scares me. Most of it I'm sure is water weight. And I'm grateful that my clothes are fitting again where they weren't at the end of last week. I just... I don't trust it.
Also, I'm certain I won't have mung bean burgers again once I'm past this part of the diet. I'm glad that I've tried it, this is an interesting experiment, but dude.
One thing I'm stressed about: work lunches. As in we have a new hire that we're taking out to lunch on Monday. I'll be in week two of the cleanse part, and I don't want to miss out on the lunch, but I also don't want to screw up my diet. I have to figure out how I'm going to handle this. There's also another member of my team who has found another job and is leaving March 17th, so there might be one to say goodbye to her. I'm going to miss her a bunch and I want to be at the going away things.
One last thing, yesterday since I took off and started feeling better towards the end of the day, and PiC had also taken off, he took me to the bike shop and we found one that fit me really well. It's not pretty. But it fits my body pretty darned well. And I'll find a way to make it pretty. :) So I have a start on doing that as well. Well, at least I have the tools with which to do it. We'll see about getting started on the biking. I want the ice to go away first so I don't kill myself.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Trying New Stuff!
I tried mung beans and amaranth for the first time last night. The amaranth was neat if weird. It turned into a sticky mass of seeds rather than growing that much bigger. It looks like bitty quinoa though. Slight nutty flavor.
The mung beans... They look horrible to me. Taste okay if there's enough extra flavoring, but I have to admit I can't look at it directly while I eat it. It really was my first pretty much entirely vegan day. Who knew you could have a wheat free and soy free vegan diet. Well, I hadn't at least.
I think that the beans would make a really good burger patty though. Stick together nicely. It's just a matter of making sure it's moist enough and flavored well enough. Maybe I can make the amaranth flatbread and then it can be almost burger like. With lots of lettuce.
I'm staying home from work today. I still feel icky, though I'm better today than I was yesterday.
One of the weird side effects is how this is affecting my experience of time. The days are going by super quickly. While I feel like I'm moving super slowly. I don't know where yesterday went.
That's part of what I'm hoping I balance out today because I was not so useful at work at all. I'm really starting to wonder if you can really do this sort of transition when holding down a job.
The mung beans... They look horrible to me. Taste okay if there's enough extra flavoring, but I have to admit I can't look at it directly while I eat it. It really was my first pretty much entirely vegan day. Who knew you could have a wheat free and soy free vegan diet. Well, I hadn't at least.
I think that the beans would make a really good burger patty though. Stick together nicely. It's just a matter of making sure it's moist enough and flavored well enough. Maybe I can make the amaranth flatbread and then it can be almost burger like. With lots of lettuce.
I'm staying home from work today. I still feel icky, though I'm better today than I was yesterday.
One of the weird side effects is how this is affecting my experience of time. The days are going by super quickly. While I feel like I'm moving super slowly. I don't know where yesterday went.
That's part of what I'm hoping I balance out today because I was not so useful at work at all. I'm really starting to wonder if you can really do this sort of transition when holding down a job.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Day three: The Work Test
Well, I have my brand new lunch box filled with foods I'm allowed and a water filter. I'm pretty much grazing all day. And in the bathroom frequently. The problem with this is I'm not really focused on my work day at all. But at least I'm not hungry like I was at home this weekend.
What really surprises me is both the emotional pull for missing the foods that I love so much (bread and pastries for the most part) and just how much it means to me that I stick to this. Because I think about "Oh, just fuckitall, I'm miserable without and I'm miserable with, I want a fucking donut" and I get upset with myself.
I really want to be a more disciplined person than that. Like that part of my personal image is seriously VERY important to me right now. More than even sabotaging myself. And that surprises me.
I also am reminded that I weighed myself this morning, 2 days after my first weigh-in, and I've dropped 3.5 pounds. I know that's not a stable weightloss. But that's a hell of a lot in only 2 days of eating like this.
But still, all my joints are hurting at the moment. I'm exhausted. I'm feeling exceptionally emotionally needy. And I'm trying to convince myself that this is just part of the detox, that it will get better from today and I am rebuilding my relationship with food into something far more deliberate and healthier for myself.
And seriously. When I feel like 3 (or 4) months is forever and a day away, I need to be present with the fact that I was just saying to myself today "holy crap, how did it get to be March already?"
3 days down. 88ish to go. Gimme another grape.
What really surprises me is both the emotional pull for missing the foods that I love so much (bread and pastries for the most part) and just how much it means to me that I stick to this. Because I think about "Oh, just fuckitall, I'm miserable without and I'm miserable with, I want a fucking donut" and I get upset with myself.
I really want to be a more disciplined person than that. Like that part of my personal image is seriously VERY important to me right now. More than even sabotaging myself. And that surprises me.
I also am reminded that I weighed myself this morning, 2 days after my first weigh-in, and I've dropped 3.5 pounds. I know that's not a stable weightloss. But that's a hell of a lot in only 2 days of eating like this.
But still, all my joints are hurting at the moment. I'm exhausted. I'm feeling exceptionally emotionally needy. And I'm trying to convince myself that this is just part of the detox, that it will get better from today and I am rebuilding my relationship with food into something far more deliberate and healthier for myself.
And seriously. When I feel like 3 (or 4) months is forever and a day away, I need to be present with the fact that I was just saying to myself today "holy crap, how did it get to be March already?"
3 days down. 88ish to go. Gimme another grape.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
The Grump
A bit of a headache, for which I took aspirin. I feel both icky and better. This is a weird thing. It's also weird that I fell asleep sitting up in a car with the sun shining on me. NEITHER of those ever happen to me. And so I minorly worry about why I keep falling asleep like this, even though I'm grateful that I'm not having the same sorts of problems sleeping. I'll be interested to find out what it is in my diet that causes insomnia, given how little caffeine I tend to have in general anyway.
Day two has been a little easier than day one, for one because I made sure I had protein earlier in the day. I don't have a clue how I'm going to do that at work tomorrow, and that worries me. I really do not want to end up like my friend's mom who tried a wheat-free/dairy-free diet for three days and decided she'd rather live with the fibro-pain.
What I am noticing though, is a return of an interaction style that I haven't seen since college. I am rather short tempered in general now, and how short tempered is a direct relation to how hungry I am. The big problem with this is that I'm pretty much hungry constantly. I can only eat so much fruit, frankly, for snacking. And sunflower seeds are making a poor replacement for potato chips in my head. Not to mention the eating constantly is getting a little old.
We did just get a pressure cooker, though there isn't really time to mess with it tonight before dinner. Hopefully it will make it possible to have a breakfast of rice and beans in some form. Or something. I'm not sure what else I can do for breakfast. Smoothies are just not going to happen on work days, probably.
I really hope I don't end up straining my relationships here over this. That scares me.
Day two has been a little easier than day one, for one because I made sure I had protein earlier in the day. I don't have a clue how I'm going to do that at work tomorrow, and that worries me. I really do not want to end up like my friend's mom who tried a wheat-free/dairy-free diet for three days and decided she'd rather live with the fibro-pain.
What I am noticing though, is a return of an interaction style that I haven't seen since college. I am rather short tempered in general now, and how short tempered is a direct relation to how hungry I am. The big problem with this is that I'm pretty much hungry constantly. I can only eat so much fruit, frankly, for snacking. And sunflower seeds are making a poor replacement for potato chips in my head. Not to mention the eating constantly is getting a little old.
We did just get a pressure cooker, though there isn't really time to mess with it tonight before dinner. Hopefully it will make it possible to have a breakfast of rice and beans in some form. Or something. I'm not sure what else I can do for breakfast. Smoothies are just not going to happen on work days, probably.
I really hope I don't end up straining my relationships here over this. That scares me.
Day 2: The hangover
This must be what cleansing out toxins feels like. I have to say that because the only other way I have felt like this is when I have gone on a bender Saturday night and here it is Sunday having come too soon. My head is throbbing.
It frightens me to think that perhaps I did not drink enough water yesterday. We try more with it today. More just water instead of rooibos tea.
OSO said in her reading that the second day is the worst, and it should get better from here on out. I can only hope that that is the case, because this sucks. And yesterday I was feeling so.... "Clear".
It frightens me to think that perhaps I did not drink enough water yesterday. We try more with it today. More just water instead of rooibos tea.
OSO said in her reading that the second day is the worst, and it should get better from here on out. I can only hope that that is the case, because this sucks. And yesterday I was feeling so.... "Clear".
Saturday, February 27, 2010
No wonder I feel like crap
I weighed myself for the first time in several months. And no wonder everything is complaining in my body. Measured myself too. No wonder my clothes don't fit right. I've gained 15 lbs since moving in with my roommates this winter. I can see it in me when I look, but the stark reality is a little bit shocking, actually.
So if I lose all of that just during the course of the elimination diet, then I will just get back to the point where things START to hurt.
My heaviest ever was 15 pounds more than I was here, but I'm really at the heaviest I have been in quite some time.
I seriously hope this works for a jump start. Because at the moment? I'm really really hungry. In counting my food for the day it looks like I'm seriously undereating thus far however. This is a good sign, honestly. Because it means that I shouldn't feel like a failure on this diet already, only two meals in. I'm hungry and tired because I'm not eating enough. I'm certainly not getting enough protien. Once I eat my dinner, I'm going to the store to get more of the protein variety of things.
We have altered things slightly, as we are allowing ourselves fish and I think lamb. Though mostly, it's a vegetarian diet. Both meals we've had today are vegetarian. As we are off in different directions, they're having salmon-quinoa burgers, and I'm having a mahi mahi fillet.
As soon as I'm done with this, I'm headed out for some food stuffs. Best to not sabotage myself immediately. I would hate to be left behind. So I'm making sure I go out not hungry.
So if I lose all of that just during the course of the elimination diet, then I will just get back to the point where things START to hurt.
My heaviest ever was 15 pounds more than I was here, but I'm really at the heaviest I have been in quite some time.
I seriously hope this works for a jump start. Because at the moment? I'm really really hungry. In counting my food for the day it looks like I'm seriously undereating thus far however. This is a good sign, honestly. Because it means that I shouldn't feel like a failure on this diet already, only two meals in. I'm hungry and tired because I'm not eating enough. I'm certainly not getting enough protien. Once I eat my dinner, I'm going to the store to get more of the protein variety of things.
We have altered things slightly, as we are allowing ourselves fish and I think lamb. Though mostly, it's a vegetarian diet. Both meals we've had today are vegetarian. As we are off in different directions, they're having salmon-quinoa burgers, and I'm having a mahi mahi fillet.
As soon as I'm done with this, I'm headed out for some food stuffs. Best to not sabotage myself immediately. I would hate to be left behind. So I'm making sure I go out not hungry.
Day 1: Still don't like cabbage
Started the day off with a Winter Green Smoothie. I think that this just proves that cabbage and I are not friends. It was bitter to my taste, and the texture was.... Interesting.
I had a bit of a moment of "My god, what the HELL am I getting myself into." But it's not forever. I have to remind myself of that. And smoothies are a good way of getting a lot of fruit and veggies in a relatively small package. And I didn't just get myself into this, I got my whole household into it.
PiC totally was loving on it though, but he has an obsession with leafy green vegetables. OSO and I were looking at each other, then at the glasses, then at each other, and really were of the choking it down variety.
I think we'll be trying the Super Anti-oxidant Smoothie tomorrow morning because OSO and myself just are more of the fruit smoothie with additional vegetable variety instead of the veggie smoothie with fruit flavoring. I honestly couldn't taste the fruit at all in there actually. So tomorrow is more fruity.
For now though, I couldn't drink any more and I'm still hungry, so I have a pear. And there will be much fruit snacking today I think.
This is going to be a slog.
I had a bit of a moment of "My god, what the HELL am I getting myself into." But it's not forever. I have to remind myself of that. And smoothies are a good way of getting a lot of fruit and veggies in a relatively small package. And I didn't just get myself into this, I got my whole household into it.
PiC totally was loving on it though, but he has an obsession with leafy green vegetables. OSO and I were looking at each other, then at the glasses, then at each other, and really were of the choking it down variety.
I think we'll be trying the Super Anti-oxidant Smoothie tomorrow morning because OSO and myself just are more of the fruit smoothie with additional vegetable variety instead of the veggie smoothie with fruit flavoring. I honestly couldn't taste the fruit at all in there actually. So tomorrow is more fruity.
For now though, I couldn't drink any more and I'm still hungry, so I have a pear. And there will be much fruit snacking today I think.
This is going to be a slog.
Friday, February 26, 2010
T-1 and counting
Tomorrow, PiC and OSO and I start on our elimination diet. We're following the one on Whole Life Nutrition, and hoping that there will be some definite answers.
After a particularly painful couple of days, I realized that I needed some way to figure out how it was that I would randomly feel like I have the flu without any fever. Symptoms tend to follow not insignificantly what is listed out for Fibromyalgia, something I really HATE the idea of having because it has in the past seemed so flippin' trendy. But as I have witnessed in the past, one day like this can completely derail me for months again before I can get the gumption to start exercising again.
So this is the start of it. In the research I've done about fibro, it seems that it is sleep and diet related, the things that make it flare. Okay then, since food is the fuel for everything we do including sleeping, and I know that I sleep better when I'm exercising regularly, let's see if we can tackle the one area I've never really manged to control before.
Hence why the whole household is going on it. We talked about it pretty extensively, and OSO totally hopped on board immediately, as she has her own issues that she's looking to correct as well. PiC has been a little slower to buy in, mostly because it's going to take longer than he had intended and he has to do things like give up his beloved Tea. But it's multually supportive. And there's the challenge of all sorts of new recipes to try. So, we'll see.
We also gave ourselves quite a bit of leadtime to get used to the idea. This week I've been saying goodbye to some of my favorite foods that I won't be having for a couple of months. Wine somewhat, but mostly wheat products. I'm actually terrified that I'm going to find that wheat is the main culprit in the aggrivation, as it is not all that uncommon. And I have some serious love for the bread. Three months without bread is going to be quite the challenge for me.
My hope though is that at the end of the two week "detox" where we have most of the allergens removed from the diet to see what it is that we react to, that I will feel excellent and on top of that it will start to be warm and clear enough up here that I can at least test drive a bike that can be ready by the beginning of April to start being a crap biker. :)
First steps. It's going to be a rough week, next week. And I'm not going to have my normal food coping mechanisms (Wow, typing that out, I can definitely SEE my distorted relationship with food. Even better that I'm doing this then).
This is going to be interesting.
After a particularly painful couple of days, I realized that I needed some way to figure out how it was that I would randomly feel like I have the flu without any fever. Symptoms tend to follow not insignificantly what is listed out for Fibromyalgia, something I really HATE the idea of having because it has in the past seemed so flippin' trendy. But as I have witnessed in the past, one day like this can completely derail me for months again before I can get the gumption to start exercising again.
So this is the start of it. In the research I've done about fibro, it seems that it is sleep and diet related, the things that make it flare. Okay then, since food is the fuel for everything we do including sleeping, and I know that I sleep better when I'm exercising regularly, let's see if we can tackle the one area I've never really manged to control before.
Hence why the whole household is going on it. We talked about it pretty extensively, and OSO totally hopped on board immediately, as she has her own issues that she's looking to correct as well. PiC has been a little slower to buy in, mostly because it's going to take longer than he had intended and he has to do things like give up his beloved Tea. But it's multually supportive. And there's the challenge of all sorts of new recipes to try. So, we'll see.
We also gave ourselves quite a bit of leadtime to get used to the idea. This week I've been saying goodbye to some of my favorite foods that I won't be having for a couple of months. Wine somewhat, but mostly wheat products. I'm actually terrified that I'm going to find that wheat is the main culprit in the aggrivation, as it is not all that uncommon. And I have some serious love for the bread. Three months without bread is going to be quite the challenge for me.
My hope though is that at the end of the two week "detox" where we have most of the allergens removed from the diet to see what it is that we react to, that I will feel excellent and on top of that it will start to be warm and clear enough up here that I can at least test drive a bike that can be ready by the beginning of April to start being a crap biker. :)
First steps. It's going to be a rough week, next week. And I'm not going to have my normal food coping mechanisms (Wow, typing that out, I can definitely SEE my distorted relationship with food. Even better that I'm doing this then).
This is going to be interesting.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Howdy
I need something that I can fail at gloriously. I want to fail again and again and again and each time pick myself back up and fail again differently. I want to get comfortable with failure. Because then, then I win. I win because I don't let things discourage me that have been discouraging me all my life.
See, I have always been good at a LOT. Intellectual things, they come easily to me. So easy that when I'm confronted with something that I am not instantly good at, I toss it aside because I'm not meant to do it. This does not develop the internal resiliency one needs for dealing with adversity. Even with those intellectual things that I'm not all that great at.
But I have never been an athlete. Ever. I was the girl in the Presidential Fitness tests who the teachers were yelling at because I was taking 15 minutes to complete the "run a mile" test. Because I was crap at it. Last or second to last in every time. Even though I was easily the most flexible student in the class. But all the teachers focused on was how crap I was at at running. They taunted.
So here I am, almost 33 and far more unhealthy than I would like to be. Two back surgeries. Far too heavy for my height. This does not fit with my vision of myself. You see, in my head I want to be one of those active spry 70 something year olds. I want to be a rock climber and a skydiver and a hiker and a cyclist and....
It is not too late for me to change these. I am not doomed. And I has an inspiration. From other blogs that I read of women who talk about being crap athletes. And it's okay. As long as you enjoy it, it's all good.
Today that changes. I already have the plans for starting an elimination diet which I will find out the food sensitivities that mess with my head and body. The streets are getting clear enough that I can go out and test a bike so I can bike with my housemates. Or by myself.
Because fuck'em. Fuck the people who have tried to mock me as the running fat girl and fuck the setbacks. Setbacks are part of the process. Even if I aim for walking a mile, and I only manage a half mile, at least I'm moving. And those people who are mocking me, mostly aren't. They don't get to BE in my head. They ain't worth it. Even if I only walk a 20 minute mile, I am.
See, I have always been good at a LOT. Intellectual things, they come easily to me. So easy that when I'm confronted with something that I am not instantly good at, I toss it aside because I'm not meant to do it. This does not develop the internal resiliency one needs for dealing with adversity. Even with those intellectual things that I'm not all that great at.
But I have never been an athlete. Ever. I was the girl in the Presidential Fitness tests who the teachers were yelling at because I was taking 15 minutes to complete the "run a mile" test. Because I was crap at it. Last or second to last in every time. Even though I was easily the most flexible student in the class. But all the teachers focused on was how crap I was at at running. They taunted.
So here I am, almost 33 and far more unhealthy than I would like to be. Two back surgeries. Far too heavy for my height. This does not fit with my vision of myself. You see, in my head I want to be one of those active spry 70 something year olds. I want to be a rock climber and a skydiver and a hiker and a cyclist and....
It is not too late for me to change these. I am not doomed. And I has an inspiration. From other blogs that I read of women who talk about being crap athletes. And it's okay. As long as you enjoy it, it's all good.
Today that changes. I already have the plans for starting an elimination diet which I will find out the food sensitivities that mess with my head and body. The streets are getting clear enough that I can go out and test a bike so I can bike with my housemates. Or by myself.
Because fuck'em. Fuck the people who have tried to mock me as the running fat girl and fuck the setbacks. Setbacks are part of the process. Even if I aim for walking a mile, and I only manage a half mile, at least I'm moving. And those people who are mocking me, mostly aren't. They don't get to BE in my head. They ain't worth it. Even if I only walk a 20 minute mile, I am.
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