My weight has been pretty stable for the last week or so, hovering at the same weight within a .5 pound each way. We also introduced sugar back in, though I'm keeping it limited, so that probably has something to do with it. The side effect of me staying stationary with the weight loss has been that I'm starting to feel kinda... blimpy. Even at 20 pounds lighter than I was 2 months ago. And still at least 3 pounds from my current goal/benchmark.
It's kind of ridiculous, I can see when I look at that objectively. Hell, I can even look at myself in a mirror and see the difference. It doesn't make a difference in my feeling about my body from within my skin. I need to be at least 20 more pounds lighter by the end of the summer, I think. That's with the recognition that it's going to be a hell of a lot more work from here on out. And meaning I'll need a whole new wardrobe for winter.
I didn't get out at all on my bike last week though. I'm not kidding myself that that is disconnected from my current standstill on weight. But today was a gorgeous day and I had time from all the other productive things I've been doing with my time, so I went out alone for a ride, just down to 28th Ave and back along the creek.
Gorgeous day. The trees are blooming though, and pretty though it may be with the orchard like lining of the bike path for stretches, I can feel it in my lungs. 3.6 miles. And when I got back I was wheezing a little bit. Depressed myself with the walk up the hill back to the house again and just feeling exhausted. But then I looked at a time stamp of a Facebook status I made, and it said it had been 26 minutes since that post.
Well, knowing at what stage that I was at in getting out of the house for my ride at that point, I have to say I was out there for at *most* 20 minutes on that bikeride. Which is 10 minutes faster than I had ridden it the last time I did that. Well hell, no WONDER I was out of breath and exhausted when I got back. I sprinted instead of doing endurance biking. But still a good workout at that, and more than I had done before.
So faster, if not longer. I think I can take that as progress. I need to pace myself better during this week, and see if I can make myself go longer then. I want to try a 5.3 mile ride next weekend around Lake Nokomis, even if I have to stop for a while. But I need to see if I can push myself a little further if slower this week. It is supposed to be nice all week, so I have to insist on getting out in the afternoon when I get home. Weekend might not be nice until Sunday. But hopefully there is at least one nice weekend day for my expedition.
And maybe this time next week I can be down 2 pounds again, and closer to goal weight. Well, my current goal weight at least.
As for the elimination diet, I accidentally had HFCS on Friday. You see, I was certain that I knew what went into sushi. What I didn't count on was that the vinegar in the sushi from Macy's downtown had freakin' HFCS in it. I kinda shrugged my shoulders, and moved on, but later that day I started noticing the heart racing/anxiety reaction. I'm fairly certain that the HFCS is the culprit, because regular sugar, and even regular fructose didn't cause that. There was nothing else in the sushi that I hadn't had before.
So I will have to wait until we get to corn at the end of May to find out if it's corn that is the problem or HFCS in particular. All I know is that shit is EVIL.
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
New Number One Rule
Never EVER talk with coworkers about current strategies to get into biking or get healthier. You would think that I would have learned this. But when the coworker starts talking about how she got on her bike for the first time this season and went 20 miles...
There's no kudos for a 3.5 mile ride. You can't even make it the 5 miles to go all the way around Lake Harriet? Pshaw.
This is what I fight against when I try to get myself going. No. I can't. I can't just *push through it*. To do so is to invite injury upon myself because that is what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I try that in my exercise program. There's no understanding, and there's a bit of condescension when trying to talk about it. That's not encouragement.
I need to stop when my body says stop. Because it's not a little bit of leg soreness I risk, it's having to lay down for 3 days straight because my back can't handle it.
These are the people who picked on me in gym class. Fuck them. It's a victory just feeling well enough to go out there. To go 2 miles. To move at fucking all.
Now maybe if I tell myself that enough I'll actually believe it. I'd rather go in the bathroom at work and cry.
There's no kudos for a 3.5 mile ride. You can't even make it the 5 miles to go all the way around Lake Harriet? Pshaw.
This is what I fight against when I try to get myself going. No. I can't. I can't just *push through it*. To do so is to invite injury upon myself because that is what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I try that in my exercise program. There's no understanding, and there's a bit of condescension when trying to talk about it. That's not encouragement.
I need to stop when my body says stop. Because it's not a little bit of leg soreness I risk, it's having to lay down for 3 days straight because my back can't handle it.
These are the people who picked on me in gym class. Fuck them. It's a victory just feeling well enough to go out there. To go 2 miles. To move at fucking all.
Now maybe if I tell myself that enough I'll actually believe it. I'd rather go in the bathroom at work and cry.
More confused than ever
Had lamb kabobs on the weekend. And I did not have the same sort of GI distress that I had on my birthday. Not by a long shot. And so now I'm unclear as to whether I can be eating red meat or not. Unless the fish was bad. Or the tamari wasn't wheat free. Or there was hidden butter at lunch on my birthday. Or something else I missed. *sigh* Or maybe I was just sick.
Caffeine had the same effect that it always does. Which is to say Monday I'm tired and dehydrated. We're going to skip that whole tea thing except on weekends, I think. And I will not be going anywhere near Coke again. Ugh. Morning came too quick this morning.
I think caffeine has also contributed to my mood issue. That and my general back crappiness. I cleaned a bunch in the apartment this weekend, me and the housemates, and that was about all the activity I could handle. I missed a social engagement, I couldn't go biking, because I was on a painkiller that lasted way too long. And now I'm on the emotional downslide from that. Meh.
5 pounds away from my latest goal, and that's for the end of the month. We'll see. I really want to make the stretch goal, not just the official goal.
Caffeine had the same effect that it always does. Which is to say Monday I'm tired and dehydrated. We're going to skip that whole tea thing except on weekends, I think. And I will not be going anywhere near Coke again. Ugh. Morning came too quick this morning.
I think caffeine has also contributed to my mood issue. That and my general back crappiness. I cleaned a bunch in the apartment this weekend, me and the housemates, and that was about all the activity I could handle. I missed a social engagement, I couldn't go biking, because I was on a painkiller that lasted way too long. And now I'm on the emotional downslide from that. Meh.
5 pounds away from my latest goal, and that's for the end of the month. We'll see. I really want to make the stretch goal, not just the official goal.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Too fast
So yesterday was my birthday. I tried to craft something that was both of the sort of food celebration that I associate with my birthday, but also within my diet.
Breakfast was waffles, with ground flaxseeds and water standing in for the eggs, and a gluten free mix we found that would fit the plan where we stand right now. They were... Okay.
I also ate at two restaurants.
The first was a greek restaurant that I am quite fond of, Gardens of Salonica. There I split a slab of lamb and half of one little potato (there were three of those on the plate) with PiC. And a little plate of olive oil soaked artichoke hearts. My mouth was singing. My head felt a little cotton stuffed, and that was consistent with the potato but I otherwise didn't feel all that off.
Went biking. 3.6 miles, down to Lake Nokomis and down a small bit before resting and then heading back. It was beautiful if just a little cold. If we keep having weather like this in March and April though, I'm going to stop complaining about Minnesota weather.
We came home and had ice cream that was dairy free and made with coconut milk. It was okay, but I'm sure I won't be having that again. And I had my banana and one dried papaya strip.
Then we went to Fuji-Ya, which I haven't been to for sushi in a very long time. We were very upfront with our waitron and she was as obliging as could be. We got 3 sashimi platters and a bowl of miso and requested tamari for our dipping sauce with the wasabi. I found out that I *love* red snapper, which I had never been aware of having before in sushi form.
We got home, and I was immediately sick. In a fashion that I have not been since we started this diet, it wasn't even this bad with the tomatoes. But with all that I had, I can't point to something and go "a ha, this is the problem".
I'm seriously heartbroken. I can't handle getting sick everytime I go out to eat again, but now I'm a little gunshy. I don't have a clue what it was that caused it.
It might have been the lamb, but I'm not certain. Red Meat is supposed to be hard on the system, especially if one has IBS. Or it could have been the volume of coconut milk. PiC thought it might have been the raw fish too, but that just doesn't seem right to me. Or maybe it was the potato, but I didn't have that reaction to potato before so it's even scarier because now my body doesn't seem a predictable place.
I'm going to suggest that we try lamb again on the weekend. Please don't be the problem so that I can never have the world's most perfect meat again. :(
Breakfast was waffles, with ground flaxseeds and water standing in for the eggs, and a gluten free mix we found that would fit the plan where we stand right now. They were... Okay.
I also ate at two restaurants.
The first was a greek restaurant that I am quite fond of, Gardens of Salonica. There I split a slab of lamb and half of one little potato (there were three of those on the plate) with PiC. And a little plate of olive oil soaked artichoke hearts. My mouth was singing. My head felt a little cotton stuffed, and that was consistent with the potato but I otherwise didn't feel all that off.
Went biking. 3.6 miles, down to Lake Nokomis and down a small bit before resting and then heading back. It was beautiful if just a little cold. If we keep having weather like this in March and April though, I'm going to stop complaining about Minnesota weather.
We came home and had ice cream that was dairy free and made with coconut milk. It was okay, but I'm sure I won't be having that again. And I had my banana and one dried papaya strip.
Then we went to Fuji-Ya, which I haven't been to for sushi in a very long time. We were very upfront with our waitron and she was as obliging as could be. We got 3 sashimi platters and a bowl of miso and requested tamari for our dipping sauce with the wasabi. I found out that I *love* red snapper, which I had never been aware of having before in sushi form.
We got home, and I was immediately sick. In a fashion that I have not been since we started this diet, it wasn't even this bad with the tomatoes. But with all that I had, I can't point to something and go "a ha, this is the problem".
I'm seriously heartbroken. I can't handle getting sick everytime I go out to eat again, but now I'm a little gunshy. I don't have a clue what it was that caused it.
It might have been the lamb, but I'm not certain. Red Meat is supposed to be hard on the system, especially if one has IBS. Or it could have been the volume of coconut milk. PiC thought it might have been the raw fish too, but that just doesn't seem right to me. Or maybe it was the potato, but I didn't have that reaction to potato before so it's even scarier because now my body doesn't seem a predictable place.
I'm going to suggest that we try lamb again on the weekend. Please don't be the problem so that I can never have the world's most perfect meat again. :(
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Towards the New Normal
There were intentions on biking today, but I think I might have slightly over did it yesterday. I mostly was kinda tired today until I hit the point where I was flat out exhausted and had to sleep. I think that's because I failed to eat lunch. Shouldn't do that again. But even having had a positively fabulous dinner, I haven't quite perked up and still feel kinda sluggish.
Even my mom, who I Skyped with this morning for Easter mentioned that I look like I've lost quite a bit of weight. Hit 17 pounds lost this morning with yet another pound gone and I am in awe.
Dinner though was I think one of the best things we've done since we started on this diet. And I mentioned that with the dinner we made, I feel like we're finally heading back into the realm of Normal with our food choices. Just healthier.
We had grilled chicken that was brushed with an olive oil/agave nectar/fresh poultry seasonings blend. And he grilled them to perfection, even the little bit of charring was *tasty*. Grilled asparagus too.
And then because we're testing the tree nuts at this point, I made a pilaf for the side. A pilaf is sorta like a risotto and sorta not. Whereas with a risotto you *must* stir it and you add the liquid a little at a time, a pilaf you *must not* stir it. But otherwise it is the same. You take the things that will be in the pilaf, you saute them up, you saute the rice in the oil with them, and then you add the liquid all at once and ignore it until the liquid is absorbed like a regular rice.
Our pilaf had onions, the rest of the poultry seasonings, whole skinned toasted hazelnuts, and chicken broth for the liquid for our medium grained brown rice. OMG it had been a long time since I'd done a pilaf and this was incredible. Maybe it's not as classic as some, but it certainly worked for our tastes.
I think one of the best things about this elimination diet is that it's forcing us to think of new ways to use our food as they are available. The nuts is what made me think pilaf, especially when I decided I didn't want the hassle of doing hazelnut encrusted chicken as had been my original thought for tonight. This seemed easier.
But also, tonight was the first time that I felt like we were back to "normal" food. I don't really know what it is that switched in my head with the nuts. I think in part because with each thing we add so many OPTIONS are coming up as possibilities. While there are certainly things that I miss, tonight, I didn't want for any of it.
And that feels really cool.
Even my mom, who I Skyped with this morning for Easter mentioned that I look like I've lost quite a bit of weight. Hit 17 pounds lost this morning with yet another pound gone and I am in awe.
Dinner though was I think one of the best things we've done since we started on this diet. And I mentioned that with the dinner we made, I feel like we're finally heading back into the realm of Normal with our food choices. Just healthier.
We had grilled chicken that was brushed with an olive oil/agave nectar/fresh poultry seasonings blend. And he grilled them to perfection, even the little bit of charring was *tasty*. Grilled asparagus too.
And then because we're testing the tree nuts at this point, I made a pilaf for the side. A pilaf is sorta like a risotto and sorta not. Whereas with a risotto you *must* stir it and you add the liquid a little at a time, a pilaf you *must not* stir it. But otherwise it is the same. You take the things that will be in the pilaf, you saute them up, you saute the rice in the oil with them, and then you add the liquid all at once and ignore it until the liquid is absorbed like a regular rice.
Our pilaf had onions, the rest of the poultry seasonings, whole skinned toasted hazelnuts, and chicken broth for the liquid for our medium grained brown rice. OMG it had been a long time since I'd done a pilaf and this was incredible. Maybe it's not as classic as some, but it certainly worked for our tastes.
I think one of the best things about this elimination diet is that it's forcing us to think of new ways to use our food as they are available. The nuts is what made me think pilaf, especially when I decided I didn't want the hassle of doing hazelnut encrusted chicken as had been my original thought for tonight. This seemed easier.
But also, tonight was the first time that I felt like we were back to "normal" food. I don't really know what it is that switched in my head with the nuts. I think in part because with each thing we add so many OPTIONS are coming up as possibilities. While there are certainly things that I miss, tonight, I didn't want for any of it.
And that feels really cool.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Last day of nothingness
Tomorrow morning marks two weeks on this crazy elim diet thing. And the day that we start adding things back in. Starting with Lemons and Limes. I only failed twice. Once by accident when I put olives on my salad.
Once by completely just having a "fuckitall" moment when I put two splashes of vinegar on my salad because I just couldn't cope with the taste of dirt again. I tried to grab the thing that I thought would least mess with the detox and go for a minimal amount. But I would have completely broken down crying that day if I hadn't. No obvious adverse reactions to it though.
I feel like few people know what this has been like. I could be wrong, maybe far more people are used to diets like this and my priviledge is just showing through. I'm just excited that my food is going to have some Flavor again. Even on Weight Watchers I wasn't this obsessed with food.
The smell of pizza makes me want to weep.
That lemon and dill fish and lime vinegrette salad tomorrow is going to be the tastiest freakin' fish and salad I have ever eaten. Ever.
Weight loss has slowed significantly. I'm okay with that. It looks like it's about a pound a week now. It has rained pretty much every day since we biked last Sunday. I'm not as okay with that. I still feel like I kept to the spirit of things even if I failed at keeping to the exact letter. And I never ever ever have to be on this restrictive of a diet again.
Once by completely just having a "fuckitall" moment when I put two splashes of vinegar on my salad because I just couldn't cope with the taste of dirt again. I tried to grab the thing that I thought would least mess with the detox and go for a minimal amount. But I would have completely broken down crying that day if I hadn't. No obvious adverse reactions to it though.
I feel like few people know what this has been like. I could be wrong, maybe far more people are used to diets like this and my priviledge is just showing through. I'm just excited that my food is going to have some Flavor again. Even on Weight Watchers I wasn't this obsessed with food.
The smell of pizza makes me want to weep.
That lemon and dill fish and lime vinegrette salad tomorrow is going to be the tastiest freakin' fish and salad I have ever eaten. Ever.
Weight loss has slowed significantly. I'm okay with that. It looks like it's about a pound a week now. It has rained pretty much every day since we biked last Sunday. I'm not as okay with that. I still feel like I kept to the spirit of things even if I failed at keeping to the exact letter. And I never ever ever have to be on this restrictive of a diet again.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Shifting Sands
So, one week and one day down. It has been one hell of a week as well. A number of other things have come to a head in my personal life that in theory have absolutely nothing to do with the cleanse that I'm on.
What I'm finding fascinating is how one handles change and crisis and the like when many of the typical crutches are removed. I can see from here that I use some of my epicurean tendencies to avoid the things that I find unpleasant. Or recover from them.
I've gotten two pieces of news that I really didn't want this week that creates quite a bit of stress in two different environments I spend an awful lot of time in. In both instances, my typical response would have been a fabulous dinner, a bottle of wine or a equally fabulous cocktail, and completely tuning off and forgetting about whatever it is that is causing me stress until I have to go and deal with it in person. Often with whatever I have in my head at that point instead of thinking through a response.
I don't get that luxury now. Though I will admit I had an almost tantrum because I couldn't do whatever it is that I wanted. I didn't toss it all aside like I was tempted to do. But the more that I do that, the easier it is becoming to not rely on the coping mechanism, feel my emotions fully, and move through it. Well at least I think I'm moving through it. I might just be more upset than otherwise. I can't say at this point.
I was looking for a way to re-engineer my relationship with food. I think this is doing it. I just wish it didn't suck so much. And I still miss fabulous meals and bottles of wine.
No headache today. At least so far. It's the first day that has happened. Made teff muffins yesterday for breakfast today. They were fantastic yesterday. Today... they're a little more like sand. I can't say if that's just my attitude today though. Dinner last night before I went over tasted like dirt too.
Or maybe I just have a bad attitude over all with my lack of habitual coping mechanisms.
What I'm finding fascinating is how one handles change and crisis and the like when many of the typical crutches are removed. I can see from here that I use some of my epicurean tendencies to avoid the things that I find unpleasant. Or recover from them.
I've gotten two pieces of news that I really didn't want this week that creates quite a bit of stress in two different environments I spend an awful lot of time in. In both instances, my typical response would have been a fabulous dinner, a bottle of wine or a equally fabulous cocktail, and completely tuning off and forgetting about whatever it is that is causing me stress until I have to go and deal with it in person. Often with whatever I have in my head at that point instead of thinking through a response.
I don't get that luxury now. Though I will admit I had an almost tantrum because I couldn't do whatever it is that I wanted. I didn't toss it all aside like I was tempted to do. But the more that I do that, the easier it is becoming to not rely on the coping mechanism, feel my emotions fully, and move through it. Well at least I think I'm moving through it. I might just be more upset than otherwise. I can't say at this point.
I was looking for a way to re-engineer my relationship with food. I think this is doing it. I just wish it didn't suck so much. And I still miss fabulous meals and bottles of wine.
No headache today. At least so far. It's the first day that has happened. Made teff muffins yesterday for breakfast today. They were fantastic yesterday. Today... they're a little more like sand. I can't say if that's just my attitude today though. Dinner last night before I went over tasted like dirt too.
Or maybe I just have a bad attitude over all with my lack of habitual coping mechanisms.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Adjustment
I've stopped feeling like quite so much crap as the last few days. Actually this started some yesterday, though I think staying home from work was the right answer. I wasn't exhausted all day long as a result, and today I feel better enough that work isn't a problem, I think.
But I feel clear. Not quite as energetic as OSO is, but at least better. I am not fond of some of the digestive impacts of this diet. I am so very much looking forward to putting some things back in my diet so it is... more balanced feeling. And so that I don't feel like I have to constantly graze all day long because the moment I stop eating, I'm hungry 20 minutes later.
Being on essentially a vegan diet has also gotten me to the point where I have completely regressed in my emotional regulation to that which I had when I was 18. I'm sure some of that is blood sugar management. But my temper is flash point for sure at the moment and I really dislike that. I got angry/upset no less than 3 times yesterday. I don't want to believe that this is part of the detox. It isn't helping with my family that way. *sigh*
Really, the biggest benefit I have seen thus far is I've dropped 11.8 pounds in 4 days. Actually, I don't think that that's a good thing, that sort of rapid weight loss scares me. Most of it I'm sure is water weight. And I'm grateful that my clothes are fitting again where they weren't at the end of last week. I just... I don't trust it.
Also, I'm certain I won't have mung bean burgers again once I'm past this part of the diet. I'm glad that I've tried it, this is an interesting experiment, but dude.
One thing I'm stressed about: work lunches. As in we have a new hire that we're taking out to lunch on Monday. I'll be in week two of the cleanse part, and I don't want to miss out on the lunch, but I also don't want to screw up my diet. I have to figure out how I'm going to handle this. There's also another member of my team who has found another job and is leaving March 17th, so there might be one to say goodbye to her. I'm going to miss her a bunch and I want to be at the going away things.
One last thing, yesterday since I took off and started feeling better towards the end of the day, and PiC had also taken off, he took me to the bike shop and we found one that fit me really well. It's not pretty. But it fits my body pretty darned well. And I'll find a way to make it pretty. :) So I have a start on doing that as well. Well, at least I have the tools with which to do it. We'll see about getting started on the biking. I want the ice to go away first so I don't kill myself.
But I feel clear. Not quite as energetic as OSO is, but at least better. I am not fond of some of the digestive impacts of this diet. I am so very much looking forward to putting some things back in my diet so it is... more balanced feeling. And so that I don't feel like I have to constantly graze all day long because the moment I stop eating, I'm hungry 20 minutes later.
Being on essentially a vegan diet has also gotten me to the point where I have completely regressed in my emotional regulation to that which I had when I was 18. I'm sure some of that is blood sugar management. But my temper is flash point for sure at the moment and I really dislike that. I got angry/upset no less than 3 times yesterday. I don't want to believe that this is part of the detox. It isn't helping with my family that way. *sigh*
Really, the biggest benefit I have seen thus far is I've dropped 11.8 pounds in 4 days. Actually, I don't think that that's a good thing, that sort of rapid weight loss scares me. Most of it I'm sure is water weight. And I'm grateful that my clothes are fitting again where they weren't at the end of last week. I just... I don't trust it.
Also, I'm certain I won't have mung bean burgers again once I'm past this part of the diet. I'm glad that I've tried it, this is an interesting experiment, but dude.
One thing I'm stressed about: work lunches. As in we have a new hire that we're taking out to lunch on Monday. I'll be in week two of the cleanse part, and I don't want to miss out on the lunch, but I also don't want to screw up my diet. I have to figure out how I'm going to handle this. There's also another member of my team who has found another job and is leaving March 17th, so there might be one to say goodbye to her. I'm going to miss her a bunch and I want to be at the going away things.
One last thing, yesterday since I took off and started feeling better towards the end of the day, and PiC had also taken off, he took me to the bike shop and we found one that fit me really well. It's not pretty. But it fits my body pretty darned well. And I'll find a way to make it pretty. :) So I have a start on doing that as well. Well, at least I have the tools with which to do it. We'll see about getting started on the biking. I want the ice to go away first so I don't kill myself.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Day three: The Work Test
Well, I have my brand new lunch box filled with foods I'm allowed and a water filter. I'm pretty much grazing all day. And in the bathroom frequently. The problem with this is I'm not really focused on my work day at all. But at least I'm not hungry like I was at home this weekend.
What really surprises me is both the emotional pull for missing the foods that I love so much (bread and pastries for the most part) and just how much it means to me that I stick to this. Because I think about "Oh, just fuckitall, I'm miserable without and I'm miserable with, I want a fucking donut" and I get upset with myself.
I really want to be a more disciplined person than that. Like that part of my personal image is seriously VERY important to me right now. More than even sabotaging myself. And that surprises me.
I also am reminded that I weighed myself this morning, 2 days after my first weigh-in, and I've dropped 3.5 pounds. I know that's not a stable weightloss. But that's a hell of a lot in only 2 days of eating like this.
But still, all my joints are hurting at the moment. I'm exhausted. I'm feeling exceptionally emotionally needy. And I'm trying to convince myself that this is just part of the detox, that it will get better from today and I am rebuilding my relationship with food into something far more deliberate and healthier for myself.
And seriously. When I feel like 3 (or 4) months is forever and a day away, I need to be present with the fact that I was just saying to myself today "holy crap, how did it get to be March already?"
3 days down. 88ish to go. Gimme another grape.
What really surprises me is both the emotional pull for missing the foods that I love so much (bread and pastries for the most part) and just how much it means to me that I stick to this. Because I think about "Oh, just fuckitall, I'm miserable without and I'm miserable with, I want a fucking donut" and I get upset with myself.
I really want to be a more disciplined person than that. Like that part of my personal image is seriously VERY important to me right now. More than even sabotaging myself. And that surprises me.
I also am reminded that I weighed myself this morning, 2 days after my first weigh-in, and I've dropped 3.5 pounds. I know that's not a stable weightloss. But that's a hell of a lot in only 2 days of eating like this.
But still, all my joints are hurting at the moment. I'm exhausted. I'm feeling exceptionally emotionally needy. And I'm trying to convince myself that this is just part of the detox, that it will get better from today and I am rebuilding my relationship with food into something far more deliberate and healthier for myself.
And seriously. When I feel like 3 (or 4) months is forever and a day away, I need to be present with the fact that I was just saying to myself today "holy crap, how did it get to be March already?"
3 days down. 88ish to go. Gimme another grape.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
The Grump
A bit of a headache, for which I took aspirin. I feel both icky and better. This is a weird thing. It's also weird that I fell asleep sitting up in a car with the sun shining on me. NEITHER of those ever happen to me. And so I minorly worry about why I keep falling asleep like this, even though I'm grateful that I'm not having the same sorts of problems sleeping. I'll be interested to find out what it is in my diet that causes insomnia, given how little caffeine I tend to have in general anyway.
Day two has been a little easier than day one, for one because I made sure I had protein earlier in the day. I don't have a clue how I'm going to do that at work tomorrow, and that worries me. I really do not want to end up like my friend's mom who tried a wheat-free/dairy-free diet for three days and decided she'd rather live with the fibro-pain.
What I am noticing though, is a return of an interaction style that I haven't seen since college. I am rather short tempered in general now, and how short tempered is a direct relation to how hungry I am. The big problem with this is that I'm pretty much hungry constantly. I can only eat so much fruit, frankly, for snacking. And sunflower seeds are making a poor replacement for potato chips in my head. Not to mention the eating constantly is getting a little old.
We did just get a pressure cooker, though there isn't really time to mess with it tonight before dinner. Hopefully it will make it possible to have a breakfast of rice and beans in some form. Or something. I'm not sure what else I can do for breakfast. Smoothies are just not going to happen on work days, probably.
I really hope I don't end up straining my relationships here over this. That scares me.
Day two has been a little easier than day one, for one because I made sure I had protein earlier in the day. I don't have a clue how I'm going to do that at work tomorrow, and that worries me. I really do not want to end up like my friend's mom who tried a wheat-free/dairy-free diet for three days and decided she'd rather live with the fibro-pain.
What I am noticing though, is a return of an interaction style that I haven't seen since college. I am rather short tempered in general now, and how short tempered is a direct relation to how hungry I am. The big problem with this is that I'm pretty much hungry constantly. I can only eat so much fruit, frankly, for snacking. And sunflower seeds are making a poor replacement for potato chips in my head. Not to mention the eating constantly is getting a little old.
We did just get a pressure cooker, though there isn't really time to mess with it tonight before dinner. Hopefully it will make it possible to have a breakfast of rice and beans in some form. Or something. I'm not sure what else I can do for breakfast. Smoothies are just not going to happen on work days, probably.
I really hope I don't end up straining my relationships here over this. That scares me.
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